PN and I took my boy to the doctor on Tuesday. The doctor asked us what had been going on in our relationship, as he had heard that I had another partner. I told him I did and that he has become a stronghold in our life and family. The doctor asked me if he is living with us, to which I answered no. This seemed to surprise him, as it seems he was lead to believe he did. He asked how my boys bowels and bladder are doing and if he is having accidents in his pants still. I left it up to my boy to answer his questions as much as possible as I thought it better coming from him.
The doctor asked if it would be okay to give him a check up and my boy agreed. He seemed to know that there was something "big" going on and was articulate in his communication (look who raises him!
), and helpful. He had never heard of Mono being talked about as my other partner, only as a close friend and someone I love. I wondered what he thought of that.
The doctor checked him over and then announced that he could see no signs of there being anything unusual, and apologized for having to follow up. He said that he thought our boy was very healthy emotionally and physically and that he wished he saw families that seemed as well adjusted as ours seems to be. He marveled at how level headed, communicative and rational we all were in light of our unconventional arrangement, and complimented us on the good job we were doing raising our son. We replied that this lifestyle is nothing new to us and that we are very comfortable and happy within it. Our goal is to create an atmosphere of love and support for our boy and each other in whatever form that takes.
He said he thought my mum was very persuasive and dramatic about the whole thing and was concerned that his relationship with her could be tarnished in some way as a result of his not agreeing with her. I told him that she would drop it now and that it was not uncommon for her to be dramatic. We have clashed before in our lives. This was no different than when I came out as a lesbian, or got drunk at a school dance as a teen. She caused just as much drama those times.
After a few days, I talked to my dad on the phone and told him how it went. He reminded me to keep trying to reach out to my mum. I was furious with him. I am so hurt and untrusting of her motivation at this point. I told him that she had a lot of work to do to patch that up between us and that I needed to spend my time recuperating at the moment. He understood and for the first time told me that she has problems and he intends to see that she addresses them.
Later in the evening, I got an email from my mum. She said she was glad that the doctor had given my boy a clean bill of health and that she was doing what "the family" had told her to do and was in therapy. It was said with a an irritated tone, but at Mono's suggestion I chose to ignore it when I wrote back.
I said that I thought that therapy is beneficial to anyone and hoped she got something out of it. I asked her to tell everyone she had consulted about the situation that my boy had got a clean bill of health, especially her coworkers who work in the same job area as Mono does, as his name has been slandered, in our opinion. This was our request, not Mono's, as he seems to be unworried about that point. I managed to muster up that I look forward to spending time with her when she has accepted that I have my own life and will raise my child how I see fit. I told her I don't expect her understanding in that, but do expect her acceptance if she wants to be in our lives more fully. She then wrote back and said she didn't think anything she said would adversely affect him, so not to worry, and that she looks forward to the future too. I wrote back and said, "Here's to the future, then...
"
So, there is movement. Now I just need to get back on my feet emotionally and I will be as right as rain. The ball is in her court, but I feel as if I can at least be around her and deal with her on a day-to-day level. I am enjoying this new relationship with my dad. We have decided to make a habit of going out for tea and spending time together. He is a wonderful man and interesting to talk to. It's my hope that we can talk about other things than our family life at some point, but we will see...
Thanks for listening and being supportive. I hope that by spending the time typing all this story out it has been helpful to those who read it. That is all I ask.
