What about the Kids?
- Thread starter kdt26417
- Start date
KC43, you have the right idea! 
Re (from Dickdomin):
Hey, that was a cool letter.
Re: David ... yeah I wasn't pleased with how he was ridiculing Ray. Just my opinion, but a father's girliness does not translate into a son's need to be ubermacho to "make up" for it. Girliness isn't an imbalance of the cosmic scales.
Re (from Dickdomin):
Hey, that was a cool letter.
Re: David ... yeah I wasn't pleased with how he was ridiculing Ray. Just my opinion, but a father's girliness does not translate into a son's need to be ubermacho to "make up" for it. Girliness isn't an imbalance of the cosmic scales.
I wasn't responding specifically to your post, Dick, just making a general observation
Yes I guess I was just clarifying that my comment was directed at David's self construct. Maybe I should have been more direct
I have a very cool daughter.
Rather makes one automatically tuck in your shirt
And step up to the plate. And let it come from the heart.
I don't mind people ridiculing others. I did that about the gay bashing congressman, albeit I hope with a bit more aplomb
I am more concerned with David's construct of what is a man
I have met men like him who think they are doms
Back when I was in NYC and later in SF where I was seriously active
If I had to give a poly profile there would be five of six women as a stable pod and ones I trained dinning in and out 2-6 months at a time.
Obviously, with my numbers tehe were a fair number of one offs.
I mentored less experienced doms (almost always older than I was)
Homework didn't start with whips and cuffs
It started with anatomy (grey's every guy had to own a hard bound copy)
Guys who thought that was bullshit
Usually ended up in a semi non-consensual session with me
Involving steel cuffs pulling his arms (always used his cuffs hanging on his very macho studded study man man belt
I won't go into detail, but a I would take him right to the edge of real danger
Now the guards at Hellfire knew me. Some I had trained
So there would be this huge crowd standing around while manly turned into whiny beggy baby
Then I would always say, and he is screaming mind you, I would say, "Oh I can't understand you because you have a fucking GAG in your mouth, study!" And slap a gag in and go half a turn
Now he was crying
And I would leave him there until he broke down completely
Then I'd walk up and say, "so she is YOUR responsibility. You are 100% responsible for her. Can you see why not just understanding a little anatomy, but understanding a whole lot of anatomy would be useful."
The guy would always be crying, nodding his head, sobbing and I tell one of the guards, loud voice, "keep an eye on him, I need a drink. Make sure he doesn't run away.
Now each of these guys had some shoulder damage and some wrist damage. I'd tell them to come and see me in three days, but put ice on it and then charge them $200 to fix their shit, which always shocked them I could do that.
More than a few talked to me for a long time after that, ask to pay to have me consult. What I did at hellfire was free, folks bought me drinks, had their sub give me blowjobs or fuck me, but it was sort of a once every couple a weeks I would hold an evening. Lots of the experienced tops did.
A few of the A-subs (these are the subs who are accused of Topping from the Bottom, but the fact is all subs top from the bottom, just some don't know it, and the highly aware ones do it elegantly
So David would not ever want to meet me.
Children's appropriateness
thou shall not eat the Fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of good and Evil.
It is amazing how deep and wide the acceptance of the con of the church has burrowed into our collective unconscious. Yes, we do have that barrier concerning pedophile priests, but I suspect that is more to do with the pure white cotton panties of young girls being waved. Had Priest Pedo confined himself to just young boys, with the whole 'well all part of growing up to be a man' split lip and black eye homily, there might be a statue of Saint Pedo in the lobby of every YMCA.
"None of their f'ing business what goes on in my bedroom."
I take the position, if they are developed enough to ask, it is my duty and responsibility to answer. This does not mean I do not find myself thrashing about searching for for a metaphor they can relate to their limited life experience, nor find myself with the hot blush of embarrassment knowing the patina of my Infallible God/Goddess image might crack and show how woefully thin it is. The ego stroking of a baby's look of total trust is a danger every parent faces.
If it is NOT their business, what is?
I do not suggest we have some paint by numbers schedule, where we stuff their heads before they have asked the next course be served. Our duty as waiters and waitress of their table is to be in the now and fully understand the timing is up to them.
Children are huge beings inside little bodies. If you have not watched Sir Ken Robinson on TED, I urge you to do so. In one of his talks, he mentions that at the age of five, 95% of children test at genius levels! sliding downward to 80 by ten until by graduation from HS or college our educational systems have achieved the remarkable score of having reduced our collect population to a mere 5% genius levels.
Since most of us have come through this system, it is not a surprise we are both ill equipped to help them navigate the minefield of childhood with its clearly painted roadways and appropriate barriers ladened with devices designed to reduce them to gibbering idiots.
Is it then any wonder, when they find themselves watching porn, and stumble upon our naive indiscretions of our own youth, entitle Mommy and the mailman, that they cry "Gross!!! way to much information" and our pristine image shatters in their undeveloped minds.
It is daunting to face these large blank canvases, each calling for its own personal theme and color palette, its own unique brush strokes that we wish to grab a beer turn on the game and throw None of you f'ing business around.
I empathize, but also shoulder my responsibilities seriously. I did not hide my ineptitude. When I had money problems, a lack I could easily trace to my parents worried faces while they gave me, "Everything is fine. Go get yourself a cookie and play in the yard," I did not hide either the fact, nor my confusion. It is also humbling to have an eight year old see rather clearly a simple solution to what I was sure was a complex and thorny problem.
My daughters handle money quite differently from one another, but with far greater skill than I have ever managed. They handle sex in equally differently but as best I can tell in responsible manners. When my youngest daughter was first offered cocaine, she picked up her iPhone and called me. I have numerous acquaintances who used drugs in their past and tell their children "never touch them" and add "because I said so" all why questions dismissed with the wave of a vague hand.
I guided her as best as I could. I asked questions, like is this in a folded paper or large baggy. I explained 'the cut' and their potential harm. She tried, survived, learned that the bite sized packages did suffer from quality and I explained that usually the upper level experience for a hot asian chick came with the proviso of Older richer man who would want to trade said experience for a tour through her panties. But I had also prepared her by telling her of my younger days when I said anything and everything to be invited into the grottos I found so delightful. And please trust me when I say I was during those days a ruthless, self centered bastard who would drape himself in the cloth of purity and sincerity just to get my rocks off.
Later as we were discussing life, she told me she had had a few older men and used her knowledge gained from me to reverse manipulate and pants these poor pricks to her own self interested end. She did take one fit and funny man to bed, because she decided she wanted and deserved to have the experience. The poor bastard never knew what hit him, pleading and begging for some months. She even toyed with the idea of dipping her toe in the waters of the Domitrix, but decided her current boyfriend was more important to her at the moment. She assumed, and I agree rightfully so that men even of such narrow specifications, grow rather abundantly in her garden.
Shocking? I know. That she survived the bimbofacation, barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen training, she attributes to my willingness to answer any and all questions no matter how much they made me squirm and look less Infallibly godlike. Did I escape the "God Papa you are Such a fucking asshole" phase. No, I did not, but they seem to have been short lived and a natural part of the development of self in which children establish their own personalities and use the "I am not my parents" as both benchmark and tool to sever them from their childhood where I might have been blindly revered, even with my flaws exposed at what felt like every turn, but seemed in my children's experience to be total non-events.
Do I have an answer? Honestly no, not one which would translate into a best seller and make me the new Dr. Spock, revered by many, but held by his own adult children as a douchebag of the first water.
I can say though that it is likely that "none of you f'ing business" is not an appropriate answer and the barriers which keep them from getting too close to the painting of your God/Goddess like image are not in their best interests.
When cooking I find it good to be prepared to break some eggs wrongly, and recommend you teach them how to make an omelette at those times. Life I find is not all sunny side up.
thou shall not eat the Fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of good and Evil.
It is amazing how deep and wide the acceptance of the con of the church has burrowed into our collective unconscious. Yes, we do have that barrier concerning pedophile priests, but I suspect that is more to do with the pure white cotton panties of young girls being waved. Had Priest Pedo confined himself to just young boys, with the whole 'well all part of growing up to be a man' split lip and black eye homily, there might be a statue of Saint Pedo in the lobby of every YMCA.
"None of their f'ing business what goes on in my bedroom."
I take the position, if they are developed enough to ask, it is my duty and responsibility to answer. This does not mean I do not find myself thrashing about searching for for a metaphor they can relate to their limited life experience, nor find myself with the hot blush of embarrassment knowing the patina of my Infallible God/Goddess image might crack and show how woefully thin it is. The ego stroking of a baby's look of total trust is a danger every parent faces.
If it is NOT their business, what is?
I do not suggest we have some paint by numbers schedule, where we stuff their heads before they have asked the next course be served. Our duty as waiters and waitress of their table is to be in the now and fully understand the timing is up to them.
Children are huge beings inside little bodies. If you have not watched Sir Ken Robinson on TED, I urge you to do so. In one of his talks, he mentions that at the age of five, 95% of children test at genius levels! sliding downward to 80 by ten until by graduation from HS or college our educational systems have achieved the remarkable score of having reduced our collect population to a mere 5% genius levels.
Since most of us have come through this system, it is not a surprise we are both ill equipped to help them navigate the minefield of childhood with its clearly painted roadways and appropriate barriers ladened with devices designed to reduce them to gibbering idiots.
Is it then any wonder, when they find themselves watching porn, and stumble upon our naive indiscretions of our own youth, entitle Mommy and the mailman, that they cry "Gross!!! way to much information" and our pristine image shatters in their undeveloped minds.
It is daunting to face these large blank canvases, each calling for its own personal theme and color palette, its own unique brush strokes that we wish to grab a beer turn on the game and throw None of you f'ing business around.
I empathize, but also shoulder my responsibilities seriously. I did not hide my ineptitude. When I had money problems, a lack I could easily trace to my parents worried faces while they gave me, "Everything is fine. Go get yourself a cookie and play in the yard," I did not hide either the fact, nor my confusion. It is also humbling to have an eight year old see rather clearly a simple solution to what I was sure was a complex and thorny problem.
My daughters handle money quite differently from one another, but with far greater skill than I have ever managed. They handle sex in equally differently but as best I can tell in responsible manners. When my youngest daughter was first offered cocaine, she picked up her iPhone and called me. I have numerous acquaintances who used drugs in their past and tell their children "never touch them" and add "because I said so" all why questions dismissed with the wave of a vague hand.
I guided her as best as I could. I asked questions, like is this in a folded paper or large baggy. I explained 'the cut' and their potential harm. She tried, survived, learned that the bite sized packages did suffer from quality and I explained that usually the upper level experience for a hot asian chick came with the proviso of Older richer man who would want to trade said experience for a tour through her panties. But I had also prepared her by telling her of my younger days when I said anything and everything to be invited into the grottos I found so delightful. And please trust me when I say I was during those days a ruthless, self centered bastard who would drape himself in the cloth of purity and sincerity just to get my rocks off.
Later as we were discussing life, she told me she had had a few older men and used her knowledge gained from me to reverse manipulate and pants these poor pricks to her own self interested end. She did take one fit and funny man to bed, because she decided she wanted and deserved to have the experience. The poor bastard never knew what hit him, pleading and begging for some months. She even toyed with the idea of dipping her toe in the waters of the Domitrix, but decided her current boyfriend was more important to her at the moment. She assumed, and I agree rightfully so that men even of such narrow specifications, grow rather abundantly in her garden.
Shocking? I know. That she survived the bimbofacation, barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen training, she attributes to my willingness to answer any and all questions no matter how much they made me squirm and look less Infallibly godlike. Did I escape the "God Papa you are Such a fucking asshole" phase. No, I did not, but they seem to have been short lived and a natural part of the development of self in which children establish their own personalities and use the "I am not my parents" as both benchmark and tool to sever them from their childhood where I might have been blindly revered, even with my flaws exposed at what felt like every turn, but seemed in my children's experience to be total non-events.
Do I have an answer? Honestly no, not one which would translate into a best seller and make me the new Dr. Spock, revered by many, but held by his own adult children as a douchebag of the first water.
I can say though that it is likely that "none of you f'ing business" is not an appropriate answer and the barriers which keep them from getting too close to the painting of your God/Goddess like image are not in their best interests.
When cooking I find it good to be prepared to break some eggs wrongly, and recommend you teach them how to make an omelette at those times. Life I find is not all sunny side up.
How much to expose our kids to (and when) speaks to the root of this thread, I think. The feature question is, "How much poly should we expose our kids to?" but behind that lurks the question of what of the parents' lives is their own children's business. (And when.)
For me the jury is still out, but I have absorbed the various points of view eagerly.
I think most people here would agree that when a child asks a question, a good parent will give them a straight answer and not wave their question aside. "You're too young for that."
The details are perhaps more contraversial.
For me the jury is still out, but I have absorbed the various points of view eagerly.
I think most people here would agree that when a child asks a question, a good parent will give them a straight answer and not wave their question aside. "You're too young for that."
The details are perhaps more contraversial.
Exposure and children
Children growing up in slums and exposed to disease in general develop healthier immune systems, even with lower value food (nutritionally)
Children growing up in spotless houses where mother wipes down with disinfectant all day long, get sicker and suffer more illness.
When cells from 900 generation lab rats were placed in a Petri dish and exposed to pollution, their immune systems instantly turned on, thrashed about and the cells died, because that toxic pollution was just too much for their immune systems.
When cells from unknown generations of sewer rats (I mean who they let go to college these days), in similar dish and the exact same polluted toxic material was dropped in, their immune cells did not even turn on. Nor did they die.
Sort of "oh gum on my shoe, yeah ok" or ""OMG I have gum!!! All Over my Jiimy Choo's" immediate heart failure. No the thought of even looking at another pair of Jimmy Choo's is making my heart race. What do I do now, my life is ruined!
I didn't think so much of my wife and I as practicing poly. But we were trying to just get a balance on my hormones and hers and well easier if the girl stays over. Now my wife was shopping for a wife and was hiding from me that she was bisexual.
I mean that we practiced S&M and three to five women slept in my bed (more of a room size issue) is one thing, but wife wife was a nice girls and nice girls are...(please refer to your nice girl requirements in Index A)
Eventually she dropped all pretense when I brought home a young lady and they clicked. Well maybe dropped is a bit wrong, she more hinted and asked what I thought. Now of course being a fine, upright fellow I cringed at the thought and wanted to scream Ewwww that is soooo disgusting!!!, but she was the woman who spent years getting my cock down her throat and not throwing up, so we were able to have babies.
So I said, no dear that would be wonderful. Of course it was disgusting, but marriage is all about compromise.
Well, we completely forgot to tell the children this was Poly and give them the Handbook "If your parents are perverted poly degenerates”
So they just knew there were ladies who would come (not cum I mean my god, they were in the other room) and stay a few nights a week, sometimes every night, this of course only during times when they were devil possessed and driven to have sex.
They knew those nights Papa slept in the front room. A few times oldest daughter came in and slept with us, I'm guessing she was test driving the potential mommy, since her little sister was totally hogging the boobies.
She taught the girl how I liked my coffee and how to slice bread ( age 4 teaching a 20-35 year old, but then my wife would read the riot act about deep throat must do properly [see Index B postures, noises, depth measurement and acceptable tones for humming while...], so maybe this is an inherited OCD trait)
I have the impression most poly relationships are based on needs which are not necessarily organic in nature. Hence the telling your two year old, "sorry mommy can't read you a bed time story, tonight is Mommy's night to cruise the bars, and later I have a date with Tom, Bill and Ernie, so it would be way past your bedtime"
To me poly is about building tribes and extended families. While most of my poly cores were me as an alpha male with submissive females around me, and I would bring in other males, though you can never really stop women from picking up strays. As I have mentioned, I am hetero flexible. There are few men who spark my sexual interest, but every man who was brought in was included deeply in our family.
Dating? Yes I changed my school's schedule and had Sunday (whole family off) Monday (kids at school mama papa on date. I know daytime how romantic can you be then? Flowers and picnics near secluded streams, fucking horrible, but.)
Two Monday nights a month I went down to the cities where I had business Tuesday mornings and stayed with one of my lovers. My wife slightly resentful because. I was getting way more pussy than she was, but some weekends girlfriend would come to our house because we lived near the beach.
Now again we didn't tell my kids we were poly, it would have only gotten confused with polyester, which is fine for backpacks but suck for kimono and other clothing.
Some days kids and I would go to the beach, come back and find mama and other girl naked and napping in each other's arms. Youngest daughter always focused on other girls bobbies in compassion shopping. Mama's producing milk so, really like comparing a milk cow to a bull. Yeah I know its white and creamy, but have you ever tried it in coffee?
Older daughter was more global. Nights when we all slept in a row, my oldest daughter would ask could other lady come and sleep at my end, which the answer was yes.
Those nights other lady and oldest daughter snuggled. Mama and youngest daughter snuggled (with a bit of milk, not cookies)
Papa all alone in the room would cry himself to sleep.
Now the expose them? I think it is a hard call but I think there may be local laws on the age you have to be to go into a bar, but might be waived if child is with parent/legal guardian.
"So Baby, here is how mommy picks out her stud muffins for the gangbang we are going to have later at the fleabag inn." You need to calculate the country, how many RC Christian/Muslims +plus are these just scarf Muslims or full black bag and full face veil. This along with astrological calculations for all parties involved, which gets very tricky, in the bar, drinking, dancing, bending over the pool table to display your wares, while holding your child on your hip. But you can teach your child to use the iPhone app (not sure if the android comes with legal age limit)
It is probably easier to take them out to dinner with the boys/girls/and doubly so the pony.
Gangbang in the motel? Get all of the guys to spring for a second room? Child can watch on CCTV so it will seem more like mommy is a TV star.
When it is a tribe, they sort of grow up in it. I was shocked to learn the children in India were not at all shocked that their parents are Indians and in some cases Hindu.
Children growing up in slums and exposed to disease in general develop healthier immune systems, even with lower value food (nutritionally)
Children growing up in spotless houses where mother wipes down with disinfectant all day long, get sicker and suffer more illness.
When cells from 900 generation lab rats were placed in a Petri dish and exposed to pollution, their immune systems instantly turned on, thrashed about and the cells died, because that toxic pollution was just too much for their immune systems.
When cells from unknown generations of sewer rats (I mean who they let go to college these days), in similar dish and the exact same polluted toxic material was dropped in, their immune cells did not even turn on. Nor did they die.
Sort of "oh gum on my shoe, yeah ok" or ""OMG I have gum!!! All Over my Jiimy Choo's" immediate heart failure. No the thought of even looking at another pair of Jimmy Choo's is making my heart race. What do I do now, my life is ruined!
I didn't think so much of my wife and I as practicing poly. But we were trying to just get a balance on my hormones and hers and well easier if the girl stays over. Now my wife was shopping for a wife and was hiding from me that she was bisexual.
I mean that we practiced S&M and three to five women slept in my bed (more of a room size issue) is one thing, but wife wife was a nice girls and nice girls are...(please refer to your nice girl requirements in Index A)
Eventually she dropped all pretense when I brought home a young lady and they clicked. Well maybe dropped is a bit wrong, she more hinted and asked what I thought. Now of course being a fine, upright fellow I cringed at the thought and wanted to scream Ewwww that is soooo disgusting!!!, but she was the woman who spent years getting my cock down her throat and not throwing up, so we were able to have babies.
So I said, no dear that would be wonderful. Of course it was disgusting, but marriage is all about compromise.
Well, we completely forgot to tell the children this was Poly and give them the Handbook "If your parents are perverted poly degenerates”
So they just knew there were ladies who would come (not cum I mean my god, they were in the other room) and stay a few nights a week, sometimes every night, this of course only during times when they were devil possessed and driven to have sex.
They knew those nights Papa slept in the front room. A few times oldest daughter came in and slept with us, I'm guessing she was test driving the potential mommy, since her little sister was totally hogging the boobies.
She taught the girl how I liked my coffee and how to slice bread ( age 4 teaching a 20-35 year old, but then my wife would read the riot act about deep throat must do properly [see Index B postures, noises, depth measurement and acceptable tones for humming while...], so maybe this is an inherited OCD trait)
I have the impression most poly relationships are based on needs which are not necessarily organic in nature. Hence the telling your two year old, "sorry mommy can't read you a bed time story, tonight is Mommy's night to cruise the bars, and later I have a date with Tom, Bill and Ernie, so it would be way past your bedtime"
To me poly is about building tribes and extended families. While most of my poly cores were me as an alpha male with submissive females around me, and I would bring in other males, though you can never really stop women from picking up strays. As I have mentioned, I am hetero flexible. There are few men who spark my sexual interest, but every man who was brought in was included deeply in our family.
Dating? Yes I changed my school's schedule and had Sunday (whole family off) Monday (kids at school mama papa on date. I know daytime how romantic can you be then? Flowers and picnics near secluded streams, fucking horrible, but.)
Two Monday nights a month I went down to the cities where I had business Tuesday mornings and stayed with one of my lovers. My wife slightly resentful because. I was getting way more pussy than she was, but some weekends girlfriend would come to our house because we lived near the beach.
Now again we didn't tell my kids we were poly, it would have only gotten confused with polyester, which is fine for backpacks but suck for kimono and other clothing.
Some days kids and I would go to the beach, come back and find mama and other girl naked and napping in each other's arms. Youngest daughter always focused on other girls bobbies in compassion shopping. Mama's producing milk so, really like comparing a milk cow to a bull. Yeah I know its white and creamy, but have you ever tried it in coffee?
Older daughter was more global. Nights when we all slept in a row, my oldest daughter would ask could other lady come and sleep at my end, which the answer was yes.
Those nights other lady and oldest daughter snuggled. Mama and youngest daughter snuggled (with a bit of milk, not cookies)
Papa all alone in the room would cry himself to sleep.
Now the expose them? I think it is a hard call but I think there may be local laws on the age you have to be to go into a bar, but might be waived if child is with parent/legal guardian.
"So Baby, here is how mommy picks out her stud muffins for the gangbang we are going to have later at the fleabag inn." You need to calculate the country, how many RC Christian/Muslims +plus are these just scarf Muslims or full black bag and full face veil. This along with astrological calculations for all parties involved, which gets very tricky, in the bar, drinking, dancing, bending over the pool table to display your wares, while holding your child on your hip. But you can teach your child to use the iPhone app (not sure if the android comes with legal age limit)
It is probably easier to take them out to dinner with the boys/girls/and doubly so the pony.
Gangbang in the motel? Get all of the guys to spring for a second room? Child can watch on CCTV so it will seem more like mommy is a TV star.
When it is a tribe, they sort of grow up in it. I was shocked to learn the children in India were not at all shocked that their parents are Indians and in some cases Hindu.
So Dickdomin, you have talked about being rather open with your kids about your sex life -- let's say more open than most people would be. And I take it that it is your testimony that your kids were not angered or damaged by this exposure? Was there ever a time when you worried that maybe your kids were being deprived of a normal childhood? At school, did their classmates pounce on them for being different?
Did they suffer from new adults revolving in and out of their lives? Did they grow attached to one new adult, only to have that adult ripped away and replaced by another?
Did they suffer from new adults revolving in and out of their lives? Did they grow attached to one new adult, only to have that adult ripped away and replaced by another?
playfulgirl
Member
folding in from an outside perspective
I know we are very conscious of my presence effect on the kiddos (boy and girl 9 and 12 respectively) They were very attached to a previous partner who left suddenly and that caused them pain. Sirreal and lady worked hard to reassure them and talk with them about the situation.
Thus as I am being folded into the family, we go very slowly. I've been a part of things for a year and a half. At roughly 9 months, I started keeping the kids to allow their parents a night out once a month. We do a lot of conscious family things together. The kids describe me to their friends as an 'aunt' and close family friend. The girl has mentioned one thingshe likes about it is that between the 3 of us she always has a 'parental' at all her school stuff. The kids made me a best aunt ever t shirt for my bday. On the issue of stuff with peers, maybe it's our urban environment, her friends just accept me as part of a chosen family, ie helping adult who cares for them.
When I am busy with other life stuff (caring for my aging mom) they get a little anxious due to baggage and when lady or sirreal pick up on this we make sure to schedule more family time. So there is some risk there.
We are still in the process of moving more and more to a family unit, but it doesn't seem to be a problem yet. Of course puberty looms. ..
I know we are very conscious of my presence effect on the kiddos (boy and girl 9 and 12 respectively) They were very attached to a previous partner who left suddenly and that caused them pain. Sirreal and lady worked hard to reassure them and talk with them about the situation.
Thus as I am being folded into the family, we go very slowly. I've been a part of things for a year and a half. At roughly 9 months, I started keeping the kids to allow their parents a night out once a month. We do a lot of conscious family things together. The kids describe me to their friends as an 'aunt' and close family friend. The girl has mentioned one thingshe likes about it is that between the 3 of us she always has a 'parental' at all her school stuff. The kids made me a best aunt ever t shirt for my bday. On the issue of stuff with peers, maybe it's our urban environment, her friends just accept me as part of a chosen family, ie helping adult who cares for them.
When I am busy with other life stuff (caring for my aging mom) they get a little anxious due to baggage and when lady or sirreal pick up on this we make sure to schedule more family time. So there is some risk there.
We are still in the process of moving more and more to a family unit, but it doesn't seem to be a problem yet. Of course puberty looms. ..
Thanks for your input playfulgirl. It sounds like you are kind and conscientious towards the kids. It also sounds to me like you are in it with Sirreal and Lady for the long haul, is that true? I don't think you'd want the kids to lose you like they lost the previous partner.
I am curious, how do Fox and R play into this dynamic? Do the kids have any contact with those two adults? Are Fox and R also long-term partners, or is that kind of still being decided?
I know, I'm asking many questions. I'm a curious man. You can ignore any questions that are too nosy.
I am curious, how do Fox and R play into this dynamic? Do the kids have any contact with those two adults? Are Fox and R also long-term partners, or is that kind of still being decided?
I know, I'm asking many questions.
I'm a curious man. You can ignore any questions that are too nosy.playfulgirl
Member
Yes we are in it for the long haul. Fox is very mono and vanilla. He has met the kids at game nights and such but had no desire to interact more and I respect this. I imagine that while fox and I are close and will always be close, he will find a mono lover to settle down with eventually. He and I have discussed this. I'm happy being his loving placeholder and will be overjoyed for him when he finds his person and we will remain friends. Thus he likes seeing me with my family and knows where his boundaries lie. We all respect this.
Lady and sirreal (they decide all kids stuff as a couple though they include me some in the discussion I'm more a sounding board) are talking about integrating R slowly over time as he also wants to be me integrated. As this happens I will post here and let you know how it works. He and lady have been together 4 months and he will be meeting the kids at our next game night.
Lady and sirreal (they decide all kids stuff as a couple though they include me some in the discussion I'm more a sounding board) are talking about integrating R slowly over time as he also wants to be me integrated. As this happens I will post here and let you know how it works. He and lady have been together 4 months and he will be meeting the kids at our next game night.
Which normal?
Do you mean the normal where they would be raised by a fat mother and not a thin one? How angered are you that you were raised in Switzerland and not France? Or a blue house and not a red one?
The fish in the ocean does not question the ocean they are in, they just live in it. They adapt just as the fish who lives in the artic might not do well if picked up and dropped in the tropics, same ocean? Well they certainly are connected but the top of the ocean is different from the bottom.
There are people who say you must separate children at birth, to live in the same room damages them. Most of the world has parents and children in the same room. Why don't we separate puppies from their mother and make them sleep in another room?
My children grew up being loved. They were paid attention to. If an adult came for a time and left, they saw that the same as they might rain coming or sun coming or day and night coming, it was all part of a continuum of life.
Were they angry they were in the same room? I had the distinct impression they preferred it.
When they reached a certain age (they always had their own room to go to btw) we tried to get them to move, but no sale.
Then some friends came with two children and the kids played, built a house, built a little room inside their room. Bed time. "Can we sleep in here?"
They never came back, then they came back then they went to their room. We let them decide. Eventually they picked their room, but knew the other room was right across the hall.
Mama cooked food, papa cooked food, "can I cook food." Can I carry dishes (well more of a I'm going to carry dishes. I can walk, barely. But this is all a part of learning new things.
When they were used to parents in the room is was scary. When the friends came it was playful and parents seemed close enough. When the monsters under the bed (very slender monsters since we sleep on the floor on futons) didn't appear and they had friends and were having so much fun, the transition was easy.
My oldest faced racism one day at school, but she knew who she was, she had friends, she thought the kids pointing at her and saying Gaijin (foreigner) because her father was a white guy, were stupid. Be like pointing at the ground and saying that is the ground, like it is silly or wrong for being the ground.
Some friends came and went. Sometimes there was some pain. After the earthquake my eldest cried because see would not see her boyfriend again. Great huge sobbing tears that made my wife and I laugh and hug her. A new boyfriend or ten showed up. Attached to adults? Yes they were attached to us.
Other adults? I am sure there was some sadness from time to time. That person played a certain game but when they were gone for a bit, there was something else
Their mother dying was hardest. They recovered more quickly than I did, because I think they were more centered, also they still had each other and still had me and they saw their mother sick, were in the room holding her hand when she died, saw her burned body after the cremation, helped me scatter her and my mother's ashes (died the same year so maybe it was I lost two mommies)
Life is life. It is not cookie cutter or paint by numbers, as much as we try to make it be.
It does have some principles which seem to work. I am not going to get in a relationship and adjust a person to me. I would rather be alone than to go through some unhappy struggle. I always think right around the corner, well ok the next corner, I'll bet she is waiting over that hill.
Clearly 15 years later, I should conclude that I must have taken a wrong turn. But I choose to say I am exactly where I am supposed to be, as fucked up as parts of my life are, I have had an interesting, amazing life.
When I met my wife, it looked like total accident, and we were complete opposites, but hummed together.
It just now. And so what are you going to go right now? Boy am I pissed at gravity because I want to try floating. Boy am I glad gravity is here holding me so I do not fly into space.
YOU choose how you see things. But my next perfect partner, might be on a different bus.
Do you mean the normal where they would be raised by a fat mother and not a thin one? How angered are you that you were raised in Switzerland and not France? Or a blue house and not a red one?
The fish in the ocean does not question the ocean they are in, they just live in it. They adapt just as the fish who lives in the artic might not do well if picked up and dropped in the tropics, same ocean? Well they certainly are connected but the top of the ocean is different from the bottom.
There are people who say you must separate children at birth, to live in the same room damages them. Most of the world has parents and children in the same room. Why don't we separate puppies from their mother and make them sleep in another room?
My children grew up being loved. They were paid attention to. If an adult came for a time and left, they saw that the same as they might rain coming or sun coming or day and night coming, it was all part of a continuum of life.
Were they angry they were in the same room? I had the distinct impression they preferred it.
When they reached a certain age (they always had their own room to go to btw) we tried to get them to move, but no sale.
Then some friends came with two children and the kids played, built a house, built a little room inside their room. Bed time. "Can we sleep in here?"
They never came back, then they came back then they went to their room. We let them decide. Eventually they picked their room, but knew the other room was right across the hall.
Mama cooked food, papa cooked food, "can I cook food." Can I carry dishes (well more of a I'm going to carry dishes. I can walk, barely. But this is all a part of learning new things.
When they were used to parents in the room is was scary. When the friends came it was playful and parents seemed close enough. When the monsters under the bed (very slender monsters since we sleep on the floor on futons) didn't appear and they had friends and were having so much fun, the transition was easy.
My oldest faced racism one day at school, but she knew who she was, she had friends, she thought the kids pointing at her and saying Gaijin (foreigner) because her father was a white guy, were stupid. Be like pointing at the ground and saying that is the ground, like it is silly or wrong for being the ground.
Some friends came and went. Sometimes there was some pain. After the earthquake my eldest cried because see would not see her boyfriend again. Great huge sobbing tears that made my wife and I laugh and hug her. A new boyfriend or ten showed up. Attached to adults? Yes they were attached to us.
Other adults? I am sure there was some sadness from time to time. That person played a certain game but when they were gone for a bit, there was something else
Their mother dying was hardest. They recovered more quickly than I did, because I think they were more centered, also they still had each other and still had me and they saw their mother sick, were in the room holding her hand when she died, saw her burned body after the cremation, helped me scatter her and my mother's ashes (died the same year so maybe it was I lost two mommies)
Life is life. It is not cookie cutter or paint by numbers, as much as we try to make it be.
It does have some principles which seem to work. I am not going to get in a relationship and adjust a person to me. I would rather be alone than to go through some unhappy struggle. I always think right around the corner, well ok the next corner, I'll bet she is waiting over that hill.
Clearly 15 years later, I should conclude that I must have taken a wrong turn. But I choose to say I am exactly where I am supposed to be, as fucked up as parts of my life are, I have had an interesting, amazing life.
When I met my wife, it looked like total accident, and we were complete opposites, but hummed together.
It just now. And so what are you going to go right now? Boy am I pissed at gravity because I want to try floating. Boy am I glad gravity is here holding me so I do not fly into space.
YOU choose how you see things. But my next perfect partner, might be on a different bus.
Integrating
This sounds pretty healthy and involved with thoughtful people. After my wife died, I dated. If things got at all involved (tab A going into slot B) then kids were there. They came to dinner. They like people, so meeting new people was natural.
After the earthquake, our school was in our dining room (we really didn't have a living room. TV was upstairs in bedroom) so maybe my kids got used to people coming and going. I think they got more attached to some students. Our Friday night late class was like a family.
I remember My youngest coming down one night telling me she was hungry and asking if she could have eggs (3 years old) I said yes. She walked into the kitchen. Students looking at me, like are you going to cook some eggs for this little helpless girl?
Slamming banging in kitchen about five minutes She appears, plate loaded with perfectly cooked scrambled eggs (I know teaching you children how to cook, when is it appropriate? 25? 42? In the next life.) my students are shocked, but my daughter is not shocked she can cook eggs. Btw at three she cooked eggs better than I, even though I am regarded as an excellent cook.
My daughters noticed things about dates I didn't. I mean I was focused on tits too big? Too saggy? Could she suck my cock? Was she shaved, could she carry a convo?
Kids saw with fresh eyes. She sucks at cleaning the house, or cooking. Well I cook. So what, yes but she should!
She is lazy whatever. If they said, I don't like her, she is gone. I am not a single guy. I am a pod.
This sounds pretty healthy and involved with thoughtful people. After my wife died, I dated. If things got at all involved (tab A going into slot B) then kids were there. They came to dinner. They like people, so meeting new people was natural.
After the earthquake, our school was in our dining room (we really didn't have a living room. TV was upstairs in bedroom) so maybe my kids got used to people coming and going. I think they got more attached to some students. Our Friday night late class was like a family.
I remember My youngest coming down one night telling me she was hungry and asking if she could have eggs (3 years old) I said yes. She walked into the kitchen. Students looking at me, like are you going to cook some eggs for this little helpless girl?
Slamming banging in kitchen about five minutes She appears, plate loaded with perfectly cooked scrambled eggs (I know teaching you children how to cook, when is it appropriate? 25? 42? In the next life.) my students are shocked, but my daughter is not shocked she can cook eggs. Btw at three she cooked eggs better than I, even though I am regarded as an excellent cook.
My daughters noticed things about dates I didn't. I mean I was focused on tits too big? Too saggy? Could she suck my cock? Was she shaved, could she carry a convo?
Kids saw with fresh eyes. She sucks at cleaning the house, or cooking. Well I cook. So what, yes but she should!
She is lazy whatever. If they said, I don't like her, she is gone. I am not a single guy. I am a pod.
This issue is kind of on my mind again today.
Monday night, I talked with Hubby and my 19-year-old about the 16-year-old. She suspects things, and she's getting angry that I'm not home as much as she thinks I should be. She hasn't asked me anything other than "Why are you going to S2's house?" but has apparently asked the 19-year-old things like "Who is S2 in Mummy's life" and "Does stepdad know Mummy's spending so much time with S2?"
I initiated the discussion because I was considering sitting 16-year-old down and actually telling her what's going on. But 19-year-old pointed out that the younger one doesn't deal well with information she isn't ready for. Even if 16-year-old *suspects* something, having her suspicions confirmed can sometimes make things more difficult and upsetting for her.
19-year-old said she's been telling her sister, "S2 is Mom's friend. She likes hanging out with him; he makes her happy. And stepdad knows and is happy that Mom's happy." I've been telling her I'm going to S2's house because I like hanging out with him and because he's helping me with some stuff related to my writing career, which is true.
So the three of us came to the agreement that for now, we're going to maintain the status quo as far as what we say to 16-year-old about the situation. A few times, I've talked to Hubby about S2 in front of the 16-year-old so she can see/hear for herself that Hubby knows and is okay with what's going on, and we're planning to try to do that a bit more often. We also asked 19-year-old to tell 16-year-old that she can come to Hubby or me with questions and we won't get mad at her. (She's always afraid people will get mad at her for asking questions.)
Meanwhile, as I said above, she's getting angry that I'm not home as much. To help with her needs and with schedules in general, S2 and I agreed last week that we'll have a standing date for Tuesday nights and every other Thursday night, but this is only the first week of that, and 16-year-old hasn't adjusted yet. Hopefully now that she's been told I'm going to be out every Tuesday and every other Thursday, she'll make the adjustment, because it will be something predictable.
Monday night, I talked with Hubby and my 19-year-old about the 16-year-old. She suspects things, and she's getting angry that I'm not home as much as she thinks I should be. She hasn't asked me anything other than "Why are you going to S2's house?" but has apparently asked the 19-year-old things like "Who is S2 in Mummy's life" and "Does stepdad know Mummy's spending so much time with S2?"
I initiated the discussion because I was considering sitting 16-year-old down and actually telling her what's going on. But 19-year-old pointed out that the younger one doesn't deal well with information she isn't ready for. Even if 16-year-old *suspects* something, having her suspicions confirmed can sometimes make things more difficult and upsetting for her.
19-year-old said she's been telling her sister, "S2 is Mom's friend. She likes hanging out with him; he makes her happy. And stepdad knows and is happy that Mom's happy." I've been telling her I'm going to S2's house because I like hanging out with him and because he's helping me with some stuff related to my writing career, which is true.
So the three of us came to the agreement that for now, we're going to maintain the status quo as far as what we say to 16-year-old about the situation. A few times, I've talked to Hubby about S2 in front of the 16-year-old so she can see/hear for herself that Hubby knows and is okay with what's going on, and we're planning to try to do that a bit more often. We also asked 19-year-old to tell 16-year-old that she can come to Hubby or me with questions and we won't get mad at her. (She's always afraid people will get mad at her for asking questions.)
Meanwhile, as I said above, she's getting angry that I'm not home as much. To help with her needs and with schedules in general, S2 and I agreed last week that we'll have a standing date for Tuesday nights and every other Thursday night, but this is only the first week of that, and 16-year-old hasn't adjusted yet. Hopefully now that she's been told I'm going to be out every Tuesday and every other Thursday, she'll make the adjustment, because it will be something predictable.
KC43, I think you are customizing how you handle poly with the 16-year-old according to her unique needs.
Dickdomin, I think you always had the confidence that your kids could achieve adult tasks at a young age, and handle adult concepts at a young age. In your narrative, the only long-term effect I see this having is the kids adapting to the environment and making it comfortable for them.
Dickdomin, I think you always had the confidence that your kids could achieve adult tasks at a young age, and handle adult concepts at a young age. In your narrative, the only long-term effect I see this having is the kids adapting to the environment and making it comfortable for them.
We seem to have found a happy place with almost all of the kids. The only one we're still trying to really figure out is the youngest. He's 3 and has had Bud as the stay at home parent since he was an infant so it's harder on him when Bud leaves to go to Sweet Lady's house. He loves when she comes here and refuses to let her leave. He sits on her feet or grabs her legs so she can't walk out the door. It's kinda cute how much he loves her. But as we all know each of the relationships needs to be given it's own time so she can't always be here. Well she can because she's always welcome. She has her own home & kids that need her so she does have to spend time there too.
All of the older kids go back & forth freely between houses. There have been nights one of mine doesn't like what I'm making for dinner or wants to spend time with either Sweet Lady or her kids so they go to her house and vice versa with her kids. Sweet Lady's kids are 19, 16 and 13 years old. My and Bud's kids are 12, 10, 7 and 3 years old.
A house with all of us living under one roof is in the works so we can have a space that is ours together instead of Sweet Lady's house and Bud's house. The back & forth is not something any of us want to continue having to do long term. The kids are all on board with the idea of living under one roof.
If all goes as planned there will be two more little ones added in the future. Bud and I would like to have one more. He & Sweet Lady are also talking about having one in the future but there are some things that have to be taken care of first before that could be a possibility.
All of the older kids go back & forth freely between houses. There have been nights one of mine doesn't like what I'm making for dinner or wants to spend time with either Sweet Lady or her kids so they go to her house and vice versa with her kids. Sweet Lady's kids are 19, 16 and 13 years old. My and Bud's kids are 12, 10, 7 and 3 years old.
A house with all of us living under one roof is in the works so we can have a space that is ours together instead of Sweet Lady's house and Bud's house. The back & forth is not something any of us want to continue having to do long term. The kids are all on board with the idea of living under one roof.
If all goes as planned there will be two more little ones added in the future. Bud and I would like to have one more. He & Sweet Lady are also talking about having one in the future but there are some things that have to be taken care of first before that could be a possibility.
Is there a reason 52 cannot have some these dates at your home?
Let the girls cook and papa serves the meal
The girls need to feel that he is not a separate part of your life.
This's what the 16 year old is saying.
Let this guy be real to him. Cooking you dinners as sisters is a perfect thing
When you retire to the bedroom, they will know they are safe.
He is now connected to them and they to he
You are there. You are not leaving.
Can you see this dynamic?
DM
Hubby and I have an agreement that no other partners are allowed in our home. We feel that it is important to have one location that is exclusively OURS, since maintaining our marriage is our top priority. So having S2 come here is completely out of the question.
My kids don't cook. (Nor do I, most of the time; I'm abysmal at it.) And my 16-year-old is a girl who is on the autism spectrum, and can't even cope with having one of her grandparents "invade" our home, let alone someone she barely knows. Home is her safe space where she doesn't have to deal with any humans other than the ones who also live here, which is another reason for the agreement Hubby and I made.
Home is also *my* safe space. I have PTSD and need a place where I don't have to be afraid and can retreat into privacy if needed. To be honest, the thought of bringing anyone that I or Hubby might be dating to our home--even S2, who I trust implicitly and in some ways even more than I trust Hubby--makes me feel sick to my stomach.
While your solution might work for some, it doesn't work for us. But thank you for your input.
My kids don't cook. (Nor do I, most of the time; I'm abysmal at it.) And my 16-year-old is a girl who is on the autism spectrum, and can't even cope with having one of her grandparents "invade" our home, let alone someone she barely knows. Home is her safe space where she doesn't have to deal with any humans other than the ones who also live here, which is another reason for the agreement Hubby and I made.
Home is also *my* safe space. I have PTSD and need a place where I don't have to be afraid and can retreat into privacy if needed. To be honest, the thought of bringing anyone that I or Hubby might be dating to our home--even S2, who I trust implicitly and in some ways even more than I trust Hubby--makes me feel sick to my stomach.
While your solution might work for some, it doesn't work for us. But thank you for your input.
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