Poly or what?

Update: Small steps forward

Last night I went out to karaoke with W & B to celebrate J's birthday. I created a medieval gift certificate for any soap/body product for J. I called it a "Writ of Tribute" :D Both J & W were surprised.

After we closed the bar (like we usually do) Me, W, B, J & A (W's ex gf before me & friend) got to talking. When W accidentally let it slip that J is a diabetic, embarrassing her. W apologized to her saying "These people are my chosen family. They know everything about me & vice versa. Why wouldn't they know everything about you?" While he said that he was looking directly at me.

Maybe like spring, winter is over and the thaw is beginning. *shrugs*
 
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I think he continues to be a jerk who thinks of people as an extension of himself rather than persons in their own right.

To me it sounds like you brought a present and surprised everyone. All the attention on you now as the gift giver. So he had to pull a stunt to put the attention back on him. And he did.

W apologized to her saying "These people are my chosen family. They know everything about me & vice versa. Why wouldn't they know everything about you?"
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They might not want to know. Did he even ask them? Nope. He just assumes everyone thinks what he thinks -- that he needs to be in the spotlight at all times. He's the puppet master.

And more importantly SHE might not want her personal health info blabbed all over town. If he wants to blab his info, that is his info to blab. He does not have the right to blab her info. Again... She's just supposed to feel how he feels. He is the puppet master.

I don't think he's healthy for you to be around.

I don't think he was sorry. He did not say he was sorry to her and promise never to do it again in future. He also did not apologize to mixed company for blurting personal health data about his GF. He wanted all eyes on him and knew how to get it.

While looking at you. Which to me reads like a threat -- you are supposed to be nervous now wondering what the hell personal data he has been blabbing about YOU to his "chosen family" people.

A few posts ago you were super frustrated with participating in his rigamarole. If you keep hanging out with him I think you will end up with a new blow out. It is his pattern.

Galagirl
 
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Yes, hide being diabetic

That way when you slip into a diabetic coma you will have an increased chance of dying. Ah the eternal shame of having a condition. I have a sister who is diabetic, so I learned a fair amount. A few years ago, a woman suddenly passed out in a restaurant. I saw her eyes walking across the room, I asked if she was diabetic, got a yes, mixed some warm water and sugar and managed to get her to swallow a bit.

5 minutes later, she was fine. Embarrassed? yes, she had just passed out in the middle of a restaurant, but dead? in a hospital? brain damaged? no.

Anyone who is diabetic and is not wearing a MediAlert Braclet is nuts and stupid.

Galagirl: most of the time I find your advice very sound, but you also seem to throw anyone who does not behave the way you see fit, right under the bus.

W is a fairly dysfunctional person I think V gets this. I also think V is a big enough girl to decide when and if she needs to get out, which I feel like she feels she has said over and over she does not want to do.

W is going to do any number of things which an undamaged, or less damaged person might not do. So what?

Yes, it is frustrating. Yes, it might not work out. I am sure Galagirl you are with that person you met in kindergarten (btw, actually know of one. my youngest's bf parents met when they were 2 & 3 started dating at 12 & 13 never been apart now in their late 40s wow).

Relationships take work. They have setbacks, they go totally off the rails, crash and burn only to rise like a Phoenix from the proverbial ashes, sometimes they just burn to the ground.

I hope I learned something from each and every one of them. I am one of those disgusting eternal optimists. I tend to be standing looking at the ashes waiting for that stupid bird.

V: the romantic in me is quietly cheering from the sidelines.
 
threat?

I did not get a threat at all. V seemed to think he was saying "family".
 
Concurring (& didn't get the number of that bus). ]I've got friends & family with various diabetic conditions, & my own glucose has been known to go wonky, setting off vicious headaches or causing near-fainting.

Sure, maybe I don't want it loudly annouced every time I walk into a room, but I'd be puzzled by anyone with suchlike getting bent outta shape by it being mentioned.

If I hosted or attended a party (or maybe restaurant get-together), & I knew a guest had a specific allergy, I might ask about what's in the canapes IFF it was a risk known to me.
 
Ah yes, I have friend's and have had family with diabetes. And yes it is a serious issue if not under control. I do agree that there should be a way to tell if needed (like a medic alert bracelet, they are lifesavers) or maybe someone who knows of any serious issue one may encounter if something goes bad.
Some thing's such as allergies can be planned in advance. An example is having a peanut butter free school room. Other thing's is only discovered at the last minute using knowledge and logic, An example is someone passing out in the middle of a restaurant. (IDK what people may say, assistance in that situation makes a hero out of a man.)
I focus in on what J would want. If she is upset that W said infomation out loud, she obviously didn't want her medical condition as public information. She took the proper precaution to make sure someone close knew, but it was in confidence.
Ok, I do tend to oversimplify thing's at times, hell I like you Dickdomin cause your picture resembles Arnold. I tend to like V cause she is local to me.
LI is actually a big place, however it is excessively easy to type cast people here. I do not personally know the players here, but if it look's and walk's like a duck but quack's like a goose, it's simply one of those geese that look's like a duck.
My concern is if W is this careless telling people about a medical condition (which is not suppose to be public knowledge), What is he saying about someone who was holding relationships with multiple people? Galagirl has a good point there.
Maybe it was just a slip, maybe it was a power move, either way it was a wrong. Then again this hit's close to home for me. My S/O has had a potentially dangerous medical condition in the past. I know better than to randomly let everyone know, She would not want me to tell people this, however I know when I need to disclose such info to protect her.
 
thunks

drgnfly said:
Other thing's is only discovered at the last minute using knowledge and logic, An example is someone passing out in the middle of a restaurant. (IDK what people may say, assistance in that situation makes a hero out of a man.)
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I have actually had this come up more than a few times and 2 of them was a single patron, travelling alone. One had a MediAlert Bracelet. The other one had a heart attack! Both survived.

I focus in on what J would want. If she is upset that W said information out loud, she obviously didn't want her medical condition as public information. She took the proper precaution to make sure someone close knew, but it was in confidence.
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I am still not sure how keeping something like diabetes or a life threatening allergy "not public knowledge" is a benefit, wise, needed, put it what ever fucking way you want it.

hell I like you Dickdomin
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Shows you are intellignet, wise and have good taste.


cause your picture resembles Arnold.
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And need to visit an optometrist IMMEDIATELY!!!

I tend to like V cause she is local to me.
LI is actually a big place, however it is excessively easy to type cast people here.
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Youse all talk funny. Longuyland people almost sound like they are from Jewazey. I have not been out there in a spell, but used to be three places: Coney Island (really easy low rent girls who snap their gum)
Fire Island, not sure even lesbians were allowed
Hamptons where the rich girls with trust funds and a need to explore deviant, sexual perversions summer. <This last is a verb to rich people.


My concern is if W is this careless telling people about a medical condition (which is not suppose to be public knowledge), What is he saying about someone who was holding relationships with multiple people?
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I am so far out of the box and off the reservation that I really only ask people do not call the FBI, or at least give me a head start.

But then I am more one of those Embarrassing friends, rather than Embarrassed.

Tom Arnold?
Benedict Arnold?
 
Dickdomin said:
Youse all talk funny. Longuyland people almost sound like they are from Jewazey. I have not been out there in a spell, but used to be three places: Coney Island (really easy low rent girls who snap their gum)
Fire Island, not sure even lesbians were allowed
Hamptons where the rich girls with trust funds and a need to explore deviant, sexual perversions summer. <This last is a verb to rich people.
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You forgot we also all have Italian grandmother's, wear stained wifebeater's, and drive Iroc Z"s. :D
 
Originally Posted by Dickdomin
Youse all talk funny. Longuyland people almost sound like they are from Jewazey. I have not been out there in a spell, but used to be three places: Coney Island (really easy low rent girls who snap their gum)
Fire Island, not sure even lesbians were allowed
Hamptons where the rich girls with trust funds and a need to explore deviant, sexual perversions summer. <This last is a verb to rich people.>
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I have found the use of "youse" mainly by people that grew up in Queens. My ex-husband's favorite saying during an argument was "Let me esplain this to youse." And it still drives me up the wall!!
drgnfly said:
You forgot we also all have Italian grandmother's, wear stained wifebeater's, and drive Iroc Z"s. :D
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I don't know about you but people from outside NY don't believe I lived all of my life on Long Island. People guess England & Australia mainly. I think this is cause my neighbor & primary babysitter was from Australia.

But back to what this thread is about:
GalaGirl said:
While looking at you. Which to me reads like a threat -- you are supposed to be nervous now wondering what the hell personal data he has been blabbing about YOU to his "chosen family" people.
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I didn't see it as a threat either. I truly think he was trying to make her feel comfortable around us. In a really tipsy, clumsy way. I have many health problems; Ulcerative Colitis, Osteoarthritis, Atrial Fibrillation, Non Specific Migraine Syndrome, multiple food/drug allergies **; just to name a few. We call ourselves 'The Walking Wounded' for a reason. I have never hid that I have medical issues. To some having medical issues are embarrassing. But if others didn't know, then there can be problems. And sometimes those problems can become severe.
When J became embarrassed. We all gave some of the more embarrassing problems. And then began to chant "One of us." in silly voices, to make her feel accepted. I even told her that my sister is a type2 diabetic, and that J shouldn't be ashamed at all.



**UGH I feel old listing some of my LONG list of maladies. :eek:
 
To each their own?

I wouldn't appreciate the blabbing if it were me. Even if the group was all "one of us" chanty.

He didn't check in with her first. That's not cool to me.

Galagirl
 
GalaGirl said:
To each their own?

I wouldn't appreciate the blabbing if it were me. Even if the group was all "one of us" chanty.

He didn't check in with her first. That's not cool to me.

Galagirl
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True & I agree.
 
Update/Sorry for the long absence

Things have been quiet these months since I have posted last. W gave J a Claddagh ring a couple of months ago. So they are officially mono-dating. W, B & I are all still friends. We have all hung out together on multiple occasions. J is EXTREMELY jealous of my interactions with W. W & I still haven't talked about how our time together ended. And at this point I don't think he ever will. So I have just let that go.

I have tried to get out & date. But nothing has panned out as of yet. Lot's of chatting online. But as soon as I bring up meeting in person, suddenly they have no time. My soapmaking business is slowly getting of the ground. I joined a local farmer's market, and the holidays are right around the corner. So things there are looking up.
 
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Hi Valynn, thanks for your update, I take it things are basically done between you and W. Hopefully you and J can still work things out?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi Valynn, thanks for your update, I take it things are basically done between you and W. Hopefully you and J can still work things out?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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I have tried to be friends with J, but all I get is a cold shoulder. Not a direct snub, but not truly friendly either.
 
Well, that's unfortunate.
 
kdt26417 said:
Well, that's unfortunate.
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Yup. Unfortunately this situation gives me little wiggle room to work with. If I do not forge a friendship with J, W will say that it proves he was right about how I am jealous. And that jealousy leads to negativity. So, in the long run, he was correct in cutting romantic ties with me.

There is alot of assumptions there without him being willing to actually talk to me.
 
Well for Pete's sake, it takes the effort of both people to forge a friendship. W's not judging you very fairly. :mad:
 
If he is not willing to talk to you, IS willing to jump to bad conclusions about you and shares these made up negatives with mutual friends, then you should be the one deciding that it was a good idea for the relationship to end. He is not a good person to be involved with except, maybe, on a very superficial level. He can go around claiming to be the injured party all he wants. He is just being a pain.

Leetah
 
kdt26417 said:
Well for Pete's sake, it takes the effort of both people to forge a friendship. W's not judging you very fairly. :mad:
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Leetah said:
If he is not willing to talk to you, IS willing to jump to bad conclusions about you and shares these made up negatives with mutual friends, then you should be the one deciding that it was a good idea for the relationship to end. He is not a good person to be involved with except, maybe, on a very superficial level. He can go around claiming to be the injured party all he wants. He is just being a pain. Leetah
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Wulf and I had a 20+ friendship before we became lovers along with Benji. What I think happened ultimately was Wulf felt that assumed agreements were broken by me. Then when I was having difficulties at work, he couldn't handle it. Communication broke down from there & feelings were hurt on both sides.
 
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