Lack of jealousy due to attractiveness (I feel really awful admitting this)

[Mignonne]

I'm not sure if this is even a problem, but I do feel a bit vain and guilty that I feel this way.

I am in a triad (I guess?) with a couple for about 8 or 9 months now, my metamour is usually a very nice giving person, albeit really stunted maturity-wise.

Anyway, there have been some recent issues, some between them and some between him and I. At a moment of absolute confusion, I was questioned whether or not I was jealous of her and I laughed. It was a total reflex and I didn't mean to laugh... but it came out anyway.

He wanted me to elaborate on what was so funny and I just couldn't. I realized then that I felt there was a status difference. And that the level of security I felt was partly due to how much more (objectively, I believe he treats us the same-ish) attractive I am, and how much more sexually compatable he and I are.

I have no idea what how he talks to her in the bedroom exactly, (she has hinted it's not very romantic) but he is uncharacteristically romantic with me and becomes a Shakespearean poet out of nowhere.

I try to be humble about it, I try not to let it get to my head, but he comments a lot on my appearance (and so does she, to some extent). I am afraid to ask her if he does the same or even hint at what we are like when she's not around. The things he does for me, he has never (to my knowledge) ever done for her, and I know it would sting if she knew so I keep it to myself.

Just to be clear we are past NRE, I just don't know if this is even an issue. I don't want to think I'm better than her, and I don't know that I do... I don't think that's it. I will admit though, that being the more attractive woman and inspiring all this sentimentality does give me a feeling of security. At the same time I realize I need to bring more to the relationship than that, and I do. Just wow, it's just a shitty realization. I had to get it out of my head and out in the open somewhere.

Is there anyone else who has ever felt this way? Or am I just a superficial jerk?

 

[KC43]

I don't think you're so much superficial as you are human.

I think in any relationship, whether mono or poly, it's normal for people to look for reassurances and confidence-boosters. Some people, at least; there may be those who are always a hundred percent confident in their relationships and never have a second of doubt or insecurity--but I don't personally know anyone like that.

You've been complimented on your appearance by both of them, and you've been told, or at least have had it hinted, that you're more compatible with him than she is in some ways. These things give you confidence and help to assure you that your relationship with him is secure and important to him.

You're right to try to avoid thinking you're "better" than she is, in my opinion. I don't think anyone is "better" than anyone else, only different. You're different from her in ways that make you a good partner for him.

I think it's good that you've recognized this about yourself and see it as a potential problem, because that makes it less likely that you'll fall into the trap of seeing yourself as superior and her as inferior, and more likely that you'll be able to maintain the relationship while being confident that it will continue and that you're bringing something valuable to him.

 

[Dickdomin]

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you

Jesus, reading your post made me realize how jaded I've become!

So I have dated NYC runway cover girl models. All of them freaked about their looks, too many empty-headed because people fell all over themselves trying to do things for them, but then also had super rich (inheritance ) friends loaded with guilt because everything had been handed to them and everyone treated them well because they had money. In both cases I found whips, degrading or menial jobs worked wonders. Nothing like manual labor and seeing something happen by your own sweat then stepping back and getting praised for having done it to inspire one to slave away even more. (I am a selfish manipulating prick patina with a romantic, sweet empath driving the bus. Paradox? Who me?)

I find some very homely women very beautiful and the standard beauties lacking, but then I am sapiosexual. Sounds like Shakespeare needs to expand his vision. I assume you are the later addition to the triad and he and she might have slipped into the non romantic phase of their relationship.

Relationships take work. Most people are not ready to do what it takes. But your letter sounds to me, at least like you need to take boy in hand and open his eyes a bit. Were you HIS or HER choice?

If more his than hers, I think it is time for you to get more on her side and see what it takes to train him properly.

There is no fair here. Someone always loves another a bit more and never quite the way we all have in that perfect movie script.

When women get into competition with each other inside a triad, I find everyone loses and it goes off the rails far more quickly. How does he feel about adding another man or three to the mix?

Stir the stew or all the scum rises to the top.

What would it take to enhance her attractiveness? What would it take to make him feel he needs to work a bit harder to please both of you? From what little you said it sounds more like you are in a tripod and not a triad. (2 legs joined at the top and not a triangle triad)

Since YOU are 100% responsible for the relationship! I recommend you work on your relationship with her.

Just a few disjointed thoughts on my part

 

[Candiedlove]

Are you sure this isn't about you being significantly older than her and slightly insecure as secondary? I'm sure he finds her just as attractive, if not more so, than you. The fact that he doesn't ever really compliment her appearance in front of you seems to indicate he wants to ensure you know you're pretty, since it's easy to get worried about him having a much younger female partner.

 

[GalaGirl]

It's ok to enjoy knowing your partner finds you attractive. It's ok guard against getting a swollen head. It is ok to keep a balance.

Feel whatever you feel. Think whatever you think in the privacy of your own head. Don't sweat it, don't overthink it. It's ok to be human about it all.

Do modulate how you respond out loud though. When he asked why you laugh when he asks if you feel jealous? A simple reply works just fine. Maybe something like...

"No. Not jealous at this time. I laugh because I was surprised you asked. Jealousy is not on the table for me right now so it sounded like something from left field. Thanks for checking in though. I appreciate it."​

Galagirl

 

[Mignonne]

I don't think you're so much superficial as you are human.

You're right to try to avoid thinking you're "better" than she is, in my opinion. I don't think anyone is "better" than anyone else, only different. You're different from her in ways that make you a good partner for him.

I think it's good that you've recognized this about yourself and see it as a potential problem, because that makes it less likely that you'll fall into the trap of seeing yourself as superior and her as inferior...

Heh, being human can be ugly. No pun intended in this thread.

But yes, this is the sort of mentality I want/need to avoid. I want to be aware of it and I think that's why I wrote it out. As far as her status she brings totally different things, at least it seems so, so she can never be inferior.

She has mentioned that she thinks I am "the favorite" (which I protested), so having this feeling on top of it makes me feel even more pukey. I don't want to say anything to them, maybe just writing it down will help vet it out.

Jesus, reading your post made me realize how jaded I've become!

In both cases I found whips, degrading or menial jobs worked wonders. Nothing like manual labor and seeing something happen by your own sweat then stepping back and getting praised for having done it to inspire one to slave away even more. (I am a selfish manipulating prick patina with a romantic, sweet empath driving the bus. Paradox? Who me?)

Jaded about what? Appearance?

And I'm not sure what you mean, did *you* whip them? BDSM?

I find some very homely women very beautiful and the standard beauties lacking, but then I am sapiosexual. Sounds like Shakespeare needs to expand his vision. I assume you are the later addition to the triad and he and she might have slipped into the non romantic phase of their relationship.

Relationships take work. Most people are not ready to do what it takes. But your letter sounds to me, at least like you need to take boy in hand and open his eyes a bit. Were you HIS or HER choice?

If more his than hers, I think it is time for you to get more on her side and see what it takes to train him properly.

There is no fair here. Someone always loves another a bit more and never quite the way we all have in that perfect movie script.

As far as I know they never had much of a romantic phase to begin with. I came later, yes, and he spotted me first, but they are both very much "into" me. She is only okay with him dating me because she also likes me so much, if that makes sense.

I don't really want to impose on their relationship dynamic as it is its own thing. It's more cutesy/goofy and I think that's how they like it. Even though there may be pangs of jealousy or yearning for what they/we share, I don't want what they have (dynamic wise), and I think if she took on the dynamic I have with him she might find it wasn't for her. I still don't want to say anything so everything is super private.

When women get into competition with each other inside a triad, I find everyone loses and it goes off the rails far more quickly. How does he feel about adding another man or three to the mix?

Eh, he does not like the idea of another man touching me at all. It's a really emotional subject and had its own thread a while back I think. When I mentioned "issues" in my OP, it primarily had to do with that subject.

What would it take to enhance her attractiveness? What would it take to make him feel he needs to work a bit harder to please both of you?

I don't know if I feel comfortable even toying with the idea of changing her physically or altering anything. While I do want to get these feelings out, I don't want to feed them either.

Also, I am afraid if we work him any harder he will burn out, I have really been pushing to have him chill out on the OPP.

Are you sure this isn't about you being significantly older than her and slightly insecure as secondary? I'm sure he finds her just as attractive, if not more so, than you. The fact that he doesn't ever really compliment her appearance in front of you seems to indicate he wants to ensure you know you're pretty, since it's easy to get worried about him having a much younger female partner.

I am sure he does find her just as attractive, or at least loves her as much or more.

He doesn't comment on my appearance in front of her unless she points something out and asks him. Otherwise he and I are pretty tight lipped until we are alone. On the other hand he will do it to her openly, it's not the same but they have their own way of talking.

I might start getting insecure about my age when it starts showing or my fertility declines (she can't have children (Ugh, lets add an extra layer of messed up thinking) I don't know. I haven't crossed that bridge.

The things that make me nervous about her at all have nothing to do with her appearance or age, it has more to do with establishment and being recognized publically. I won't ever have that, at least not with their families.

It's ok to enjoy knowing your partner finds you attractive. It's ok guard against getting a swollen head. It is ok to keep a balance.

Feel whatever you feel. Think whatever you think in the privacy of your own head. Don't sweat it, don't overthink it. It's ok to be human about it all.

Do modulate how you respond out loud though. When he asked why you laugh when he asks if you feel jealous? A simple reply works just fine. Maybe something like...

"No. Not jealous at this time. I laugh because I was surprised you asked. Jealousy is not on the table for me right now so it sounded like something from left field. Thanks for checking in though. I appreciate it."​

Galagirl

Thanks for the idea on response. I really don't like that these thoughts are there, I keep them to myself. I want them purged because it's really making me feel like a terrible person that they are even there in the first place.

Making myself write this has been really sobering, I doubt I'll ever laugh about it again.

 

[kdt26417]

Re (from Mignonne):

"Is there anyone else who has ever felt this way? or am I just a superficial jerk?"

LOL, I've been self-deprecating about my looks (and personality) for a long freakin' time. It's my special talent.

I don't know whether you're a superficial jerk, LOL, I don't know you well enough yet. But if your pic's f'real, then you are hot! Sorry to be so forward that way, but it's the truth. Nothing wrong with being objective ...

Work that hotness! but don't laugh at your metamour (Don't work it that hard), that's not polite.

Of course it's true that there's more to life than looks ... I'd rather date a plain-looking woman with a sweet personality than I would a psycho knockout. But then they also say that money doesn't buy happiness, and yet, money buys me happiness all the time (especially in the form of pizza). I'm like Tevye (Fiddler on the Roof, 1971). "Money is the curse of the world? May God smite me with it. And may I never recover!"

Seriously though, I hope you guys are able to work out the issues you were having. Every relationship has them, but that doesn't make them at all fun.

Re (from Mignonne):

"Making myself write this has been really sobering, I doubt I'll ever laugh about it again."

Awww, don't feel that way. You have a cool gift. Be thankful for it and enjoy it. And don't be so hard on yourself for the bit of vanity, we are all human and we all flatter ourselves in various ways. Heck, we're all gonna end up six feet under anyway ... Why not laugh a little while we have the chance?

Such is my wisdom anyways ...

 

[Dickdomin]

Jaded about what? Appearance?

And I'm not sure what you mean, did *you* whip them? BDSM?

Jaded about life in general.

Appearance? I hadn't even thought of this, but men are visual, in general, so can often get wrapped up in looks without digging deeper, often until it is too late.

Whips, BDSM yes. But while I use the term BDSM I do not any longer think of what I do as BDSM, but more like Gestalt therapy with a whip added into the dynamic.

Ok I'll need to get back into the how to quote ( everyone is so technically clever on these sites and I just... Lazy, I am lazy.

Eh, he does not like the idea of another man touching me at all. It's a really emotional subject and had its own thread a while back I think. When I mentioned "issues" in my OP, it primarily had to do with that subject.

Red flag for me. He can have two but you only get one?

Early on I had an open relationship. Usually it was gf with me and a few guys, me with her gf alone or with her.

One night she went out with a guy, intention was to have sex. I thought I was not jealous, and she was suppose to come over after. She never showed and as the night wore on I freaked. Images of waves crashing on the shore, his eyes meeting hers and violins swelling in the background as they made mystical romantic love (please remember in other posts or certainly in my intro, I mention I would divorce myself if I knew how, so for as much as I know I am a great guy, I also know my massive shortcomings and spent most of my life feeling unloveable)

Two days later when I saw her I was waiting for the other shoe to drop (he is perfect I am leaving you) and she fell into my arms, stuck her nose in my armpit and breathed in like she was starving.

Short of it: the date sucked, he had bad breath, he was horrible in bed and she was so devastated she went home and cried and told me she just didn't want to bring that to me.

Her in bed with a different guy, really handsome, slightly bigger, great in bed, she is coming and coming and looks over at me and tells me with tears in her eyes how much she loves me. Zero fear or jealousy on my part.

My mind is my greatest friend and asset while being my worst enemy.

Have you read Sex at Dawn? If not I recommend it.
Looked up and read about sperm competition?

You are bisexual and Baby is not? Where did the name Baby come from? Her/him or you?

Your quote:
I don't know if I feel comfortable even toying with the idea of changing her physically or altering anything. While I do want to get these feelings out, I don't want to feed them either.

Also, I am afraid if we work him any harder he will burn out, I have really been pushing to have him chill out on the OPP.
End quote

You are changing her, now I recommend you get some intentionality and take responsibility while doing so.

I've had relationships where I was with a highly bisexual primary and an older sort of natural mother type showed up and primary went right to lower rank. No push involved, she just held that older woman above her naturally.

Now I am not terribly clever with the internet. I am on it, but I tend to be quite random and short lived so, reading your other post might take a bit. My brain is easily distracted.

Have you ever sat down and asked her, "How can I make your life better?"

Have you and she ever made love?

And to me, I think women need double and triple penetration. I approach this from the POV that sex and the orgasm is the true rapture and spiritual gateway (likely needs its own thread, but I don't know whee things go here and feel daunted each time I face a blank page with a mind that goes so fast I cannot get 1/100th out in speech must less in prose.)

So she is into you, but are you into her? I get the feeling you are walking on eggshells a bit here, bull in the China shop syndrome.

Your mother taught you how to put in your dress when you were little and how to hold a fork, use a knife et al. You are her "older sister" and showing her stuff, sharing your life experience is a part of that dynamic.

Will you sometimes push when you shouldn't, say the wrong thing, all that BS? Absolutely, even I notice my socks get a bit damp when I am walking on water.



Your quote
He doesn't comment on my appearance in front of her unless she points something out and asks him. Otherwise he and I are pretty tight lipped until we are alone. On the other hand he will do it to her openly, it's not the same but they have their own way of talking.
End quote

Again, I am getting red flags. Sounds like Baby is too little to take it in your minds. Again this name? It keeps popping up for me. Few hints here and there, but when the big people go off and do it alone, and Baby is left in the crib?

Sort of a conspiracy between you and Igor: Shhh, Baby might hear.


Your quote
I might start getting insecure about my age when it starts showing or my fertility declines
End quote

You are your ability to have babies? Silly me And I thought it was just breast size! Lol (sorry I am one of those guys who sees A-cups and heart goes pitter pat)

So one day my overly sexual slave was having a chat with the ladies from the old folks home. One had been caught sneaking into a mans room for a bit of nookie. Gf asked, "So when do you guys stop thinking about sex?" And Martha at 78 said, " you could ask Maddy, she 93. Maybe she's stopped."

In my intro I mentioned when 22 my lover was 62. I should add she had tits any 18 year old would envy and these were natural, but she had a strict diet and iced her breasts daily. I was also one of 5 regular lovers, as in day to day and I think she and I were alone in bed only a dozen or so times in our three years together.

Your quote
The things that make me nervous about her at all have nothing to do with her appearance or age, it has more to do with establishment and being recognized publically. I won't ever have that, at least not with their families.
End quote

I am a big fan of building Circles. There is so much of that you slept with x men!?! SLUT!!!! OMG he's had hundreds of lovers what a stud going on.

Like this website being a support group or back in the day when Penthouse letters let people know they were not the only one.

Very hard to have five or six lovers and be surrounded by the "Church Lady" collective. But a circle of ten women who share recipes for bigger and better Os, and Oh Bob and I had that problem, why don't you take Phil and Dave home, they'll help straighten Bill out, I think then it is far easier.

I remember in the relationship of the primary who went sub, well she came from a strict Catholic background and Mom showed up and the family had grown from three to five.

Psrimary's mom when to our mom and asked about what was going on. Our mom just handled it. I never knew how, but from that day on the daggers Primary's mom had been slinging at me, were totally gone.

How about them being accepted by your family, or are you and orphan?

Closets are such interesting things. Always interesting to see what people think MUST be kept in them.

Maybe introduced as Baby's lesbian domme who is teaching her about bestiality: long pause: no really we are all just sleeping together.

Variation on the Daddy I'm pregnant and don't know who the father is, no really I just totaled the car joke.

Your quote
Thanks for the idea on response. I really don't like that these thoughts are there, I keep them to myself. I want them purged because it's really making me feel like a terrible person that they are even there in the first place.
End quote

Well trust me you are a terrible person and would recommend an exorcism, but suspect you are too old to catch a priest's attention!

Thank god you are keeping them to yourself. Better hide that key or the next thing you know they will be all over the internet. Then we might be forced to shunn you.

And so I go to prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet.

 

[MightyMax]

It honestly reads to me like jealousy and insecurity is a far bigger part of this than you care to admit. It's as if you're only comfortable because you have this strong belief that you're more attractive than your metamour/partner. It isn't clear which she is because you said you're in a triad but refer to her as your metamour. I sincerely hope she is your metamour and not your partner because it would be quite messed up if you survive in your relationship by assuring yourself that you're hotter than one of your partners.

 

[Mignonne]

Re (from Mignonne):


LOL, I've been self-deprecating about my looks (and personality) for a long freakin' time. It's my special talent.

I don't know whether you're a superficial jerk, LOL, I don't know you well enough yet. But if your pic's f'real, then you are hot! Sorry to be so forward that way, but it's the truth. Nothing wrong with being objective ...

Work that hotness! but don't laugh at your metamour (Don't work it that hard), that's not polite.

Of course it's true that there's more to life than looks ... I'd rather date a plain-looking woman with a sweet personality than I would a psycho knockout. But then they also say that money doesn't buy happiness, and yet, money buys me happiness all the time (especially in the form of pizza). I'm like Tevye (Fiddler on the Roof, 1971). "Money is the curse of the world? May God smite me with it. And may I never recover!"

Seriously though, I hope you guys are able to work out the issues you were having. Every relationship has them, but that doesn't make them at all fun.

Re (from Mignonne):


Awww, don't feel that way. You have a cool gift. Be thankful for it and enjoy it. And don't be so hard on yourself for the bit of vanity, we are all human and we all flatter ourselves in various ways. Heck, we're all gonna end up six feet under anyway ... Why not laugh a little while we have the chance?

Such is my wisdom anyways ...

Thanks for the reassuring words and yes that is me but I thought I took it down. I really like the reference to Fiddler on the Roof, that is one of my favorites.

Yes, we have a lot of stuff going on, I am kind of amazed we are together and all getting along so well. I really do feel bad for her, this thread almost has me bawling because she's having a hard time right now and these thoughts exist.

I swear this will all make sense eventually. This is like a Victor Hugo deviation.

Jaded about life in general.

Appearance? I hadn't even thought of this, but men are visual, in general, so can often get wrapped up in looks without digging deeper, often until it is too late.

Whips, BDSM yes. But while I use the term BDSM I do not any longer think of what I do as BDSM, but more like Gestalt therapy with a whip added into the dynamic.

Red flag for me. He can have two but you only get one?

Have you read Sex at Dawn? If not I recommend it.
Looked up and read about sperm competition?

You are bisexual and Baby is not? Where did the name Baby come from? Her/him or you?

Your quote:
I don't know if I feel comfortable even toying with the idea of changing her physically or altering anything. While I do want to get these feelings out, I don't want to feed them either.

Also, I am afraid if we work him any harder he will burn out, I have really been pushing to have him chill out on the OPP.
End quote

You are changing her, now I recommend you get some intentionality and take responsibility while doing so.

I've had relationships where I was with a highly bisexual primary and an older sort of natural mother type showed up and primary went right to lower rank. No push involved, she just held that older woman above her naturally.

Now I am not terribly clever with the internet. I am on it, but I tend to be quite random and short lived so, reading your other post might take a bit. My brain is easily distracted.

Have you ever sat down and asked her, "How can I make your life better?"

Have you and she ever made love?

So she is into you, but are you into her? I get the feeling you are walking on eggshells a bit here, bull in the China shop syndrome.

Your mother taught you how to put in your dress when you were little and how to hold a fork, use a knife et al. You are her "older sister" and showing her stuff, sharing your life experience is a part of that dynamic.

Your quote
He doesn't comment on my appearance in front of her unless she points something out and asks him. Otherwise he and I are pretty tight lipped until we are alone. On the other hand he will do it to her openly, it's not the same but they have their own way of talking.
End quote

Again, I am getting red flags. Sounds like Baby is too little to take it in your minds. Again this name? It keeps popping up for me. Few hints here and there, but when the big people go off and do it alone, and Baby is left in the crib?

Sort of a conspiracy between you and Igor: Shhh, Baby might hear.

Your quote
I might start getting insecure about my age when it starts showing or my fertility declines
End quote

You are your ability to have babies? Silly me And I thought it was just breast size! Lol (sorry I am one of those guys who sees A-cups and heart goes pitter pat).
Your quote
The things that make me nervous about her at all have nothing to do with her appearance or age, it has more to do with establishment and being recognized publically. I won't ever have that, at least not with their families.
End quote

I am a big fan of building Circles. There is so much of that you slept with x men!?! SLUT!!!! OMG he's had hundreds of lovers what a stud going on.

I remember in the relationship of the primary who went sub, well she came from a strict Catholic background and Mom showed up and the family had grown from three to five.

Psrimary's mom when to our mom and asked about what was going on. Our mom just handled it. I never knew how, but from that day on the daggers Primary's mom had been slinging at me, were totally gone.

How about them being accepted by your family, or are you and orphan?

Closets are such interesting things. Always interesting to see what people think MUST be kept in them.

Maybe introduced as Baby's lesbian domme who is teaching her about bestiality: long pause: no really we are all just sleeping together.

Variation on the Daddy I'm pregnant and don't know who the father is, no really I just totaled the car joke.

Your quote
Thanks for the idea on response. I really don't like that these thoughts are there, I keep them to myself. I want them purged because it's really making me feel like a terrible person that they are even there in the first place.
End quote

Well trust me you are a terrible person and would recommend an exorcism, but suspect you are too old to catch a priest's attention!

Thank god you are keeping them to yourself. Better hide that key or the next thing you know they will be all over the internet. Then we might be forced to shunn you.

And so I go to prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet.

On the subject of name, it kind of spawned from her. I was a classically trained ballroom and ballet dancer and I remember showing her Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey and she loved it so much that she wanted me to teach her how to dance. So the whole "Baby" thing evolved from that.

The part where you say: "Baby is too little to take it" thing, does have some truth to it. I honestly learned it from Igor because he is always babying her, and not letting her figure out how to handle her own problems. He says her nerves are fragile, and I have seen it a bit and how she has emotional melt-downs. He just says "Let me handle it" or something about her hormones etc.

I ask her all the time what she wants (really, that she seems to be afraid to vocalize) and what would make things better for her. She wants more freedom it seems, but is too afraid to try and get it and will ask either of us to try and get it for her. For a little while my pep talks were helping her find that voice but it drove Igor nuts. She is now back to where she was or it has stagnated.

You are right in that I have shown her some things, yes we have been physical a few times but nothing really lit up for me. She really enjoyed herself so that was reward enough, it did ironically make her compare me to Igor sexually though. Which created its own problems (I can get her aroused enough to climax but he cannot).

Jesus we have a lot going on it seems... they really love eachother a great deal so they are willing to work on it.

And yeah, I walk on eggshells with her a lot.

(Lol @ the boob comment, Igor might like mine bigger XD)

It honestly reads to me like jealousy and insecurity is a far bigger part of this than you care to admit. It's as if you're only comfortable because you have this strong belief that you're more attractive than your metamour/partner. It isn't clear which she is because you said you're in a triad but refer to her as your metamour. I sincerely hope she is your metamour and not your partner because it would be quite messed up if you survive in your relationship by assuring yourself that you're hotter than one of your partners.

She likes me as her girlfriend but I am never sure what she is to me, I am pretty open about my confusion with both of them. We have done many things that a couple would do but something is stuck with me, I can't seem to work up romantic energy.

Considering that I am not either of their usual physical "type," I don't believe I will be kept around for physical novelty. I am not sure how deep this goes, and it has only recently cropped up as a thought in my head. She and I give him totally different things (looks aside), she adores me which why I feel majorly shitty for noticing it.

 

[kdt26417]

Re (from Dickdomin):

"I think women need double and triple penetration. I approach this from the POV that sex and the orgasm is the true rapture and spiritual gateway (likely needs its own thread, but I don't know where things go here and feel daunted each time I face a blank page with a mind that goes so fast I cannot get 1/100th out in speech must less in prose)."

Sounds like a topic for the Fireplace board.

Re (from Mignonne):

"Thanks for the reassuring words and yes that is me but I thought I took it down."

There's a copy on your profile page.

Re:

"Yes, we have a lot of stuff going on, I am kind of amazed we are together and all getting along so well. I really do feel bad for her, this thread almost has me bawling because she's having a hard time right now and these thoughts exist."

Sorry to hear that. Is she feeling like she's some kind of frump? What can be done to help her feel better?

Have you guys considered looking into a poly-friendly counselor? A professional might be able to help you untangle some of those knots.

She seems to want to take charge of her own destiny, but doesn't know how. Does that sound accurate?

 

[maxnsue]

I was in a triad with my wife's girlfriend for 38 years. My wife was never jealous, not once. My wife says she knew that I would never leave her for her g/f because my wife was a wife to both me and her g/f. Without my wife, we would have two people looking for the other to be the housewife. Never would happen so we never had any problems. My wife was also more attractive and better in bed. Our g/f was a great third because she filled the areas my wife and I could not provide to each other. However, on her own, neither of us would stay with her.

 

[Dickdomin]

Don't you ever grow up

The part where you say: "Baby is too little to take it" thing, does have some truth to it. I honestly learned it from Igor because he is always babying her, and not letting her figure out how to handle her own problems. He says her nerves are fragile, and I have seen it a bit and how she has emotional melt-downs. He just says "Let me handle it" or something about her hormones etc.

Have you ever in your entire life had an emotional meltdown?

Are you dead yet?

Is she?

Sounds like Igor has some pretty intense investment in keeping Baby dependent and as helplessly Babylike.

A few years ago my daughter came to me bitching about something broken in both the doors of her car. I do not remember what was broken, but I think we might have needed to replace the electric side mirrors which required taking the doors apart.

"Well I can't fucking do that!"
Papa "want to bet?"

So she stood there and watched me do the first door. I explained each step and I mean like each screw and pop fastener and how they went in etc. (I managed to break one of the pop fasteners. Finally finished the job, we walked around to the other side. I set the tools down on a cloth and took out my iPhone. Turned on the video camera and said. "Ok your turn"

She needed a bit of coaching in a couple of spots. She took less time than I did. She didn't break any fasteners. Stood up and discovered her repair was perfect.

So she grew up and all I am left with is the memories of her face lighting up. Well and a cool video of her fixing her car.

It sounds like Igor is terrified the pair of you are going to grow up and realize what a douchebag he is. Being far more of a douchebag than he could ever hope to be, I know this fear and empathize.

I ask her all the time what she wants (really, that she seems to be afraid to vocalize) and what would make things better for her. She wants more freedom it seems, but is too afraid to try and get it and will ask either of us to try and get it for her. For a little while my pep talks were helping her find that voice but it drove Igor nuts. She is now back to where she was or it has stagnated.

I want to add Baby somewhere in Igor's name! Lol

So screw vocalizing, give her some fucking homework. Write it down.

Ten things you fantasize about doing or being able to do.
Make her rewrite the list. Ask her about each thing until YOU can actually see it and her doing it (adjust for context)

Step two: she writes down one thing she could do to move her just one small step towards each of those things.

While you are doing this, tell her stories of the times you fell on your ass, twisted your ankle damned near wrecked your knee or hip trying to do some simple fucking move that now you look back and go, "why was that so hard." (I know I am making a big assumption here, but in used to be the masseur for a number of the dancers at the NYC Ballet and later their movement instructor. I know those chicks were klutzes, I mean if they could really dance, they wouldn't be stuck in some minor burg, no name ballet company. They even needed to practice shit before they could get it right. Myself, I notice time to time after I finish walking on water, my socks are damp. So embarrassing.)

I wonder how Igor-super hero is going to handle Igor-just plain human. Maybe you can get him one of those vibrating penis sleeves and a large bottle of lube, so he'll know he can find some relief.

You are right in that I have shown her some things, yes we have been physical a few times but nothing really lit up for me. She really enjoyed herself so that was reward enough, it did ironically make her compare me to Igor sexually though. Which created its own problems (I can get her aroused enough to climax but he cannot).

Well, you know how it goes, even bad sex is pretty good and has its own rewards.

Maybe let him watch? I mean I've heard rumors that some guys like the idea of two women having sex. Maybe he can get some tips?

I remember an old girlfriend who was trying to talk a girl into our bed. Her closer was, "he eats pussy almost as good as a woman. Let me show you (pulling down her panties).

Well I got to work and she did seem to have a very good time and breathlessly at the end, told my girlfriend that was the best she ever had.

You do not say shit like this to her. That is so gauntlet on the table.

After we gathered the pieces of the poor girl from the various corners of the room and reassembled her and took her to the bedroom. I got to bask in the glow of my past glory, where for a few minutes I was "the best she'd ever had."

But school was so much fun.

Now I do not want you to think I am a perv or anything. I did not enjoy watching them. Ewww, I mean that is totally disgusting, unless there is a Great Dane involved.

I mean I have morals!

I sure I do. There were just here a minute ago. Hang on let me check in the garage.
OK this is NOT funny, who took the garage?

Now chemistry aside. The "nothing lit up for me" was it her lack of experience? Technique? Did you give verbal instructions or is she too fragile for stuff like that.

Again assuming, but sounds like she had a good time, but you're classically trained. Maybe she just needs a bit of practice, or some classical training. (So glad there are a few oceans between us, I could see head injuries in my near future)

Poor Igor. Well I am sure it is not his fault, must be hers.

Jesus we have a lot going on it seems... they really love eachother a great deal so they are willing to work on it.

And yeah, I walk on eggshells with her a lot.

Gotta break some eggs to make an omlette.

(Lol @ the boob comment, Igor might like mine bigger XD)

There are planes leaving daily to India.

I love small tits. I mean how sick and twisted can you get, right?

She likes me as her girlfriend but I am never sure what she is to me, I am pretty open about my confusion with both of them. We have done many things that a couple would do but something is stuck with me, I can't seem to work up romantic energy.

Is that girl friend or girlfriend?

Romantic energy? Are we painting by numbers here? Someone took number 6 out and didn't put it back in the box?

Stuck? Maybe give yourself a break and just be that vapid worthless slut who is just being used for sex, by her. You know "service mode". You got an ego boost the last time. OK making a meal out of hors d'oeuvres might not be as satisfying, but tasty none the less. Or is she not tasty? "Igor, did you forget to change Baby's diaper?"

Have the three of you been in bed full on sexual, ever? Is she never allowed to watch you and Igor? Or is she just too fragile?

I remember pestering my father to let me get out of the Baby Pool and swim in the deep end. He picked me up, carried me to the deep end and threw me in the middle of the pool.

Third time up, I learned how to swim.

I came out of the pool furious and screamed, "I don't know how to swim, you asshole (I knew naughty words even then)

He just smiled and pointed to the middle of the pool and said, "What do you mean? You just swam from there. I'll bet you could make it to the other side from here right now."

Took me a few seconds of recalling the terror, but other half of my brain judge the other side of the pool was not that far. I won my first. Blue Ribbon three weeks later in the ten and under freestyle. I was going to turn four at the end of the summer. Ten year olds are such punks.

In there defense, they had other shit to do, while I required armed guards to keep me out of the pool when I turned blue.

Now how are you going to handle it when Baby passes you in the pool, I mean being older and classically trained and all. Fucking dangerous waters teaching folks to fish. "Now who am I going to sell fish to?!?"

Even worse giving her the Big O. Next thing you know she'll start wanting sex and all that good religious training will go out the door. I know because I have known some Catholic girls. (Yes, that is a Biblical knowing, though no begatting took place. I kept losing my place in the Good Book) wow, catholic girls know how to make sex so much dirtier, disgusting and totally pervy.

Oh Pandora what have you done?

Considering that I am not either of their usual physical "type," I don't believe I will be kept around for physical novelty. I am not sure how deep this goes, and it has only recently cropped up as a thought in my head. She and I give him totally different things (looks aside), she adores me which why I feel majorly shitty for noticing it.

Adores you? Stupid Baby! She'll probably get over it and realize what a vapid, empty shell, though very nice to look at, you really are. Maybe you can shut up and use that tongue of yours and some climaxes to distract her. Delay being found out.

Give different things!?!

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. Pepsi, no Coke.

What do you think we made those cookie cutters for?

I do so want to spank your ass, now it am regretting the oceans between us.

This ass spanking, comes with a fair amount of "classically trained NYC professional masseur" diddling followed by a disgusting amount of totally perverted worshiping of your inadequate boobs.

I'd better call Homeland Security and get you put on a no fly list, just to be safe.

I mean we are not talking about YOU getting what you want, are we? Where the drama in that?

Umm this fertility reference? Could you expand, expound, elucidate, you know give me a fucking clue?

I do so love to spank ballerinas, nothing like classically trained jumps when you are turning their bottoms a nice shade of deep pink.

Look at what you have stirred up. Bad girl.

 

[kdt26417]

Okay now I know Dickdomin's off his nut.

 

[Dickdomin]

Okay now I know Dickdomin's off his nut.

Hey, I am NOT a classically trained ballerina.

I think Mr. Switzerland is edging towards the German border! "I zee you are aff your nut. Dr. Freud, get Dr Pavlov. Now if you know vat iss gut for you, you vill get back on zat nut....IMMEDIATELY!!!!"

 

[Mignonne]

Re (from Mignonne):

There's a copy on your profile page.

Re:

Sorry to hear that. Is she feeling like she's some kind of frump? What can be done to help her feel better?

Have you guys considered looking into a poly-friendly counselor? A professional might be able to help you untangle some of those knots.

She seems to want to take charge of her own destiny, but doesn't know how. Does that sound accurate?

It seems she does, but she has been given and enabled a lot of hand holding. I'm not going to pretend to be the expert on what is best, but so far coddling her hasn't helped her progress and has stunted her ability to enter into adulthood (Dick, this is one of the factors that prevents my attraction to her).

Therapy might be helpful but we are often in different places, I want to be compassionate but I don't want to instruct or be a blanket. She gets stressed out and freaks out very easy, so I do feel bad for the bit of vanity I was feeling earlier. I'm not feeling it as much now thankfully.

Right now she is dealing with issues unrelated to me or relationship (family stuff), it's frustrating to want to do something for her but also knowing she needs to learn to handle things herself sometimes. I still feel bad.

Now for a violent change in dialogue...

Have you ever in your entire life had an emotional meltdown?

Never. I am a Jude Law sex-bot. I play ambient music in my head.

Sounds like Igor has some pretty intense investment in keeping Baby dependent and as helplessly Babylike.

It's sort of both of them, she hasn't had to grow up really and has had many of her problems handled for her, and overcoddling esp. for 22 year old.

A few years ago my daughter came to me bitching about something broken in both the doors of her car. I do not remember what was broken, but I think we might have needed to replace the electric side mirrors which required taking the doors apart.

"Well I can't fucking do that!"
Papa "want to bet?"

So she stood there and watched me do the first door. I explained each step and I mean like each screw and pop fastener and how they went in etc. (I managed to break one of the pop fasteners. Finally finished the job, we walked around to the other side. I set the tools down on a cloth and took out my iPhone. Turned on the video camera and said. "Ok your turn"

She needed a bit of coaching in a couple of spots. She took less time than I did. She didn't break any fasteners. Stood up and discovered her repair was perfect.

So she grew up and all I am left with is the memories of her face lighting up. Well and a cool video of her fixing her car.

Awesome. I find working on cars, or fixing anything myself very rewarding. That is practical knowledge for life.

I want to add Baby somewhere in Igor's name! Lol

So screw vocalizing, give her some fucking homework. Write it down.

Tried this, both of us have been trying to. It is a lot of energy I just don't have. Not when it gets undone and regresses so easily. There is a part of her that does not want to go forward.

In the river of fire you have to sink to swim.

Well, you know how it goes, even bad sex is pretty good and has its own rewards.

Not really, but I'm a sex-bot from the distant future; the year 2000. If people want my ass for the sake of getting ass, they might as well be inserting money.

Maybe let him watch? I mean I've heard rumors that some guys like the idea of two women having sex. Maybe he can get some tips?

Tried it, couldn't stomach it. I did explain the technique though. They have a pattern and routine they are used to. I prefer to focus fire rather than spray. Powerful gun, high accuracy, not automatic. No mechadendrite meltaguns yet.

I remember an old girlfriend who was trying to talk a girl into our bed. Her closer was, "he eats pussy almost as good as a woman. Let me show you (pulling down her panties).

Interesting. I have had about the same number of male partners as I have female, and men always out performed the women. And I had been told otherwise, oops. The bear is sleeping and he likes honey.

Now chemistry aside. The "nothing lit up for me" was it her lack of experience? Technique? Did you give verbal instructions or is she too fragile for stuff like that.

No, it was due to complete lack of attraction to her tbh. I had to do some major mind judo just to get my body to respond mechanically. Igor seemed baffled (but now gets it) at the lack of attraction, he had high apple pie in the sky hopes.

Again assuming, but sounds like she had a good time, but you're classically trained. Maybe she just needs a bit of practice, or some classical training. (So glad there are a few oceans between us, I could see head injuries in my near future)

No worries, I don't get offended easy. It takes a lot. School of hard knocks and singing gingers.

There are planes leaving daily to India.

I love small tits. I mean how sick and twisted can you get, right?

Most of the people I've been with love them small too, go figure. Also, I have a palate for Indian cuisine and their women. Find me a wife, I'll stay forever.

Is that girl friend or girlfriend?

Girlfriend, though I prefer other terms for partners.

Romantic energy? Are we painting by numbers here? Someone took number 6 out and didn't put it back in the box?

I do everything by fives.

Stuck? Maybe give yourself a break and just be that vapid worthless slut who is just being used for sex, by her. You know "service mode".

My spirit animal is an ATM and it says: Feed me a cat.

Have the three of you been in bed full on sexual, ever? Is she never allowed to watch you and Igor? Or is she just too fragile?

We have all three tried once (plenty separately, 1v1). The rivers ran dry.

I do so want to spank your ass, now it am regretting the oceans between us.

This ass spanking, comes with a fair amount of "classically trained NYC professional masseur" diddling followed by a disgusting amount of totally perverted worshiping of your inadequate boobs.

Are you classically trained in ass worship?

Umm this fertility reference? Could you expand, expound, elucidate, you know give me a fucking clue?

It was in response to someone mentioning I'm 30 and she's younger and ripe, but since she is infertile that will never be an issue. We will eventually reach a stalemate on that once I hit menopause (assuming I should be with them so long). But this isn't a competition and I don't want to be. Still, Igor would like children eventually, so I'll be the oven.

That's its own can of worms, I wonder if anyone else on this board has dealt with it.

I do so love to spank ballerinas, nothing like classically trained jumps when you are turning their bottoms a nice shade of deep pink.

Look at what you have stirred up. Bad girl.

I'm more of a ballroom dancer, but sure I'll jump. Just watch the shoes.

Okay now I know Dickdomin's off his nut.

I thank Naked Lunch and Finnegan's Wake for preparing me for this discourse XD.

 

[Dickdomin]

Wife shopping

Come on over, we can wife shop together.

Classically trained ass spanker

Being sapiosexual, I tend to worship minds, then eyes, next lips and small boobs, ankles, how a woman moves is all tied into the mind and ankles so...

I am almost developing a desire to have a shot at Baby.

Where is she in the birth order in her family?

Most of my massage work in NYC was happy ending of various natures, model and ballerinas tended to be tightly wrapped and in needs of release

Exec wives it was more of a cuckolding dynamic. These husbands were very highly placed, so submission, losing control et al were big releases for them. The wives tended to be smart, funny beautiful and horny.

http://www.polyamory.sbs/forum/showthread.php?p=279310#post279310

This is my bait in the water, would love your input.

Have you ever spanked this girl?

 

[kdt26417]

Re (from Dickdomin):

"Hey, I am *not* a classically trained ballerina."

A likely story. You seem to me to be just the type to be trained in classic ballet. I've dealt with your kind before, you know ...

Love,
Mr. Svitzerland

 

[Dickdomin]

Re (from Dickdomin):


A likely story. You seem to me to be just the type to be trained in classic ballet. I've dealt with your kind before, you know ...

Love,
Mr. Svitzerland

ROTFLMAO! Guilty busted. Studied ballet during my early teens to improve my balance during my downhill ski racing.

Even did a bit more during my time with NYC Ballet as their masseur and neuromuscular therapist, though if my dim memory servers, it was far more motivated to get some quality "hand in crotch" time with some rather adorable Ballerinas.

 

[kdt26417]

There. Now doesn't that feel better? Confession is good for the soul.

You've been a bad, dirty boy. Ve have vays of spanking your pink behind.

(Mignonne's gonna kill us. If the mods don't get to us first.)