Jill's Journal

At the car dealership.. Getting chatted up by middle aged men

Married men do me a favor, send your wives to get the oil changed in your cars.. I have way more in common with them... No I'm 23 the Volvo wagon is not mine, next time I'm taking one of the boys..

Someone tell me something funny please!
 
flattery in the ladies room

So I was in the restroom at the winery and Renee's friend June comes up to me while I am washing my hands. She was about 3 bottles in lol oaky maybe not that many but she had a few.

I posted before about, a friend of Renee's wanting to kiss me, but she didn't want me to know who it was. I agreed to be blindfolded, and we shared a very long kiss that I enjoyed.

She wraps her arm around my hips and whispers into my ear. "Did you ever figure out who you were kissing?" I was looking in the mirror, and my face went bright red. She is the last person I expected. She's like super quiet, I mean she just seems like not the person to want to like kiss a girl. She's married 4 kids and I thought straight. I found out she is more curious but I understand that. So maybe its a good thing there were no hotel rooms available.

We talked about it, I told her I enjoyed it. I think I said. "You are an amazing kisser." I was caught way off guard and a few glasses in myself, I had to fix my hang over somehow. I also said if she ever wanted to explore her curiosity, with both Renee's and her husbands blessing I would be interested. I don't think that will happen.

I talked to Renee about it on the ride home, she know June was going to tell me. I told her what I told June, she smiled and said "If that's something you want to do I understand, and I will support you in that. However June's husband is not as open minded as he might seem."

So I don't really think that is going to go anywhere. She is a very attractive woman and I think we could have a lot of fun with each other. I have to say like the mystery of her (just really not knowing her) intrigues me and the fact that Renee seemed oaky with the whole idea...

On the other hand, I have never claimed to be poly, as a matter of fact I really don't know how a relationship would work. I mean like outside of hot like new person sex for a few weeks. There is no way to have like a real relationship, and on top of that, I don't have time to juggle, or even know how. So thinking about it as the headache from the wine is kicking in, it just sounds like a bad idea, so maybe her husband is a really good road block...

I have to say that Renee really practices what she preaches she did not bat an eye the expression never changed, she was kind and encouraging. That really interested me...

Well she is getting the boys to bed and will be down, we are going to watch a movie together, and curling up with her right now just sounds amazing... have a great evening everyone
 
I really hope

I really hope this is not going to be what everyone expects....

I really don't know what the think its like the media wants something to happen... I have the local, the CNN and the Fox news all on... I just feel really lucky I am not down on campus, I hope all of my friends are safe and not out in this... I just have an awful feeling...
 
Wondering if I did the right thing

Watching pies in the oven and second guessing myself... Did I do the right thing telling my Dad to go to Florida with his girl friend? Should I have gone down to the country and told him I have fallen in love? That I am in love with a married woman?

Yep I need to find something to do, my mind making me crazy..
 
Thanksgiving with Renee and Mark's familys

Sorry I have not posted, busy few days..

the pies I baked and the turkey and the sweet potato casserole (not sure I could mess up anything with 4 sticks of butter lol) all tasted pretty good. Why is it when you make something to everyone else it tastes wonderful but to you it always tastes just oaky? I am just glad I didn't burn anything because that would have ruined thanks giving dinner.

Thursday I got to hang out with Renee's older sister because she was worried I would need some help. It was really nice, she told me stories about her and Renee growing up, and before long the other two sisters were telling me stories about her, its was fun to hear that stuff and it made me smile. I love like knowing about all the neat things she did when she was a kid, and some of the silly things. After awhile it was all four of them in the kitchen talking about their childhoods, then all of their children, I just stood there and loved every second of it. It reminded me what the holidays are all about.

I had in my head everyone sitting down at a long table, that's how it used to be with my family, but here they sort of get a plate and find a spot to eat, in the livingroom or the den to watch football or just in the dinning room or kitchen. I didn't want to be like stand offish so I joined Mark and his family in the dinning room to get to know them alittle. All the children ate in the basement there were a lot of them nine in total.

After dinner (more like lunch at 1:30) Marks family went back to their hotel so everyone could take a nap. Everyone else sort of napped in the living room or den, so I guess the food was good enough for everyone to over eat. Renee and I disappear into my room for a short nap together, I guess the stress of the day at least for me I had a little stress to work off.

At like 7 everyone was back for leftovers what a nice idea we all ate again and watched more football. Renee and I got caught kissing by her younger sister in an upstairs hallway. Renee told me later her sister had never seen her kissing another girl. My face was pretty red but all she just said "Renee if I was in love with such a thoughtful and pretty girl I don't know if I would ever stop kissing her." I liked that, and the embarrassment of like being caught kissing was a little less. The 3 of us hung out in the kitchen and talked about the weekend. I offered to take the boys and the cousins to a movie on Friday so the grown ups could shop or just like be kid free for most of the day.

After everyone was gone Renee and I slept in my room, I have never been with my lover on thanksgiving night so it was really nice to have that first with Renee, she has given me so many firsts and she was very romantic and made a big deal about it. At some point she had a bokeh of flowers with a pretty thank you note for making Thanksgiving so special for her... that made me cry it was so nice and thoughtful and I was not expecting it at all, and those are the best surprises in my mind..

well I have to make breakfast.... I would love to hear about your Thanksgiving so please tell me about it...
 
Holiday party season, who's the girl with Renee and Mark

Yep it's here holiday party season.. Lots of whispers and a few looks. I'm getting used to it. Getting is the operative word. The goos news is next weekend Renee and Mark a hosting a party for all their close friends so at least there I'll be able to like hold Renee's hand.

I am going to see my Dad on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I will drive back up here on Christmas night. So inbetween I am going to tell him I have fallen in love with a married woman.. I my head this is a pretty major deal, however I have this feeling he is just going to worry about my happyness. That sort of makes this a lot easer...

Now for some fun stuff, Sunday I went to Renee's oldest's indoor soccer game and his coach failed to appare and a few or Renee's friends were like "jill you should step in and help them." Renee found the manager who knows me because I play there a few nights a week and he was happy to let me coach. I am guessing if I had not stepped up he would of had to do it.

They won 7-6 and it was a lot of fun to be on the bench. You can't really call what I did coaching I was more like managing what was going on but still I enjoyed it. As we were leaving I was asked if I would like a part time job a few days a week coaching a lower age group.. That was really nice I think after finals I will talk to them about it... Renee already told me she thinks it would be neat for me to coach so who knows, maybe...
 
Study break..

well 2 more days of finals.. I know I am ready I, keep thinking about myself this time last year, like struggling through finals because I spent way too much time.. well the right word is wasted too much time, and lets be honest money, when you do poorly in a class for any reason you still pay for the class.


This semester has been very different, and I believe its because of a lot of reasons but they start with Renee, she has always told education needs to my first priority and she is right... She help me stay focused on what is important. Last year even now I would have been worried about what everyone else was doing tonight, what I was missing, what I needed to do to just get by. I am not worried about what everyone else is doing, I am focused on what I am doing and what I need to do over the next few days to do well..

I am not going to say Polyamory has saved my education but lets be honest if Renee and Mark were not into this lifestyle where would I have met a mature woman who would be able to take me into her life and show me what is really important?

well back to the books
 
Christmas Eve

just finished all my shopping... I got the boys the new FIFA (oaky that might be for me too) and the subscription to xbox for them.

I found a football signed by the Rams for Mark (oaky Renee got that and put my name on it.)

For Renee I got her a new pair of running shoes, she says she wants to start running with me in the mornings, lol sounds like a new year's resolution to me. I also got us a spa package. Now the lingerie I bought for myself that can count as a gift for her right...

We are doing my gifts at 1 today so I can driver down to the country, and be with my Dad and family tonight, I will drive back to STL tomorrow evening so I can see everyone on Christmas. I thought I would be nervous about talking to my Dad about this but I am really relaxed right now, I guess ask me when I pull onto the driveway...

Merry Christmas, or happy holidays...
 
Our last night in Disney

The lastnight of our vacation.. I'll tell everyone about it when I have time to type..
 
vacation

first: you would think with it being holiday break that I would have more time to post... not true lol

Our trip was amazing, I have never even seen a boat that big! Every year Renee and Mark take the boys on a Disney cruise, and now I know why. Wow it was really neat. There is always something to do on that boat for everyone one.

We cruised for 5 days out of Miami the first stop was Castaway Cay and everyone goes to the beach. The next stop was Nassau that was on New Year's Day, they must throw a major party because pretty much everything near the port was closed until like noon. I spent the day with Renee because she was with Mark on New Years Eve. We went to Atlantis together for lunch and she played alittle at the casino (I don't like gambling I just don't get it) Renee pretty much broke even there. I count that as a win. We were back on the boat in time for the Mizzou game with Mark and the boys. It really neat to think even if you are so far from home that you can still watch your team. Dinner was early ever night 5:45 (the late dinners were just too late for the boys) After dinner there was always a show or something going on deck. I had my own "Stateroom" on deck 2 in like the middle of the boat. Renee, Mark and the boys were up on deck 8 in a much bigger "Stateroom". The next day we were at sea for the day. Then it was Key West (if you live there in am more than envious) We took a tour on a trolley so I could see it all, the boys stayed on the boat, then we spent the afternoon on Duval street with all the other tourists, we all might have had too much to drink. That was the last night on the boat. On Sunday it was time to get off the boat and go to Disney World. The cruise was both a lot of fun and at times more romantic than I thought it could be. Disney really knows what they are doing.

When Mark found out that I had never been to Disney World he told Renee they had to take me.

I will have to get to that later.. because now its time to make breakfast..
 
I have heard about that site

I have not used it...
 
14 (an open letter?)

Renee and Mark, Tuesday 4/28 will be your 14th wedding anniversary. I wonder what was going through both of your minds on that day 14 years ago. Did you know back then that you would have 2 amazing boys? Take a scrap metal company and turn it into a pipe and tube company? Did you know back then that your relationship would be strong enough to last this long. Did you know that the 2 of you would still be together, 14 years later?

I have seen you both hold hands and smile when things were tough. I have seen you both cry. I have seen you both celebrate all the good things the boys do. I have seen you laugh at the silly things they do aswell. Being married 14 years you both have seen so much together. It really is amazing, my parents were married for 25 years, I remember them together always happy and smiling just like you both.

About 18 months ago, you both met a girl who had no direction, no real plan, and was not the best person. Both of you looked past all of that, and only saw the potential she had. About a year ago you both sat me down and invited me into your home, I often talk about how scared I was. I don't really know what was going through your minds, the risk you both took. How all of this could have gone so very wrong. It didn't in the past year I have grown up a lot. I went from only caring about myself and a few other people to caring about a family and how to look at the bigger picture. I wonder what the next year will be like. What else you and Mark will teach me, or the boys for that matter. I know I learn way more from them than I ever expected.

I have learned how to communicate in a positive way. (maybe not very well just now, this must be all over the place) I learned that not only could I love someone else and not be afraid to be open about it. I learned there are things I am capable of that I never thought I could do. I learned that hard work is like its own reward. That love and support and the 2 most important things in the world..

Sorry way off track...

I hope in the next year I will be fortunate enough to keep going, learning, and exploring, and loving everything. I hope you both are having an amazing weekend away. I also look forward to making you dinner on Tuesday your anniversary.

I love you both! (that was the whole point of this)

jill
 
Summer is coming

I just got home from class and looking at the pretty summer clothes (all my size) on the dining room table I can tell Renee is just as excited about summer.

It sounds like Renee myself and a few of her friends are going to the lake house this weekend... It should be a lot of fun.

I guess I should get whatever class work I can get done now, before we leave..

Love summer!
 
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