Struggling with size

FallenAngelina said:
So now I have met two!!
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(Raises hand) Three!!!

For me, vaginal penetration is much better with 7-8" . Longer than that is superfluous. Shorter doesn't hit the right spots. I dunno why. Just how it is. The orgasms I have with longer ones are qualitatively different than with shorter ones, or from mouths/hands. On the other hand, most of the friends I have talked to prefer thick, while I actually prefer relatively thin, if I think about girth at all.

Is it the only thing that matters in a relationship? Or the most important thing? Hell no. Different people bring different things to the table. In terms of sex and everything else.

In terms of insecurity - about dick size, breast size, weight, attractiveness, etc... It helps me to just not hear details. I don't need to hear how awesome it was that someone else's boobs were sooooo big, or whatever. I generally figure my partner enjoys sex with me, or they wouldn't be having sex with me, and I focus on OUR sex life. But then I have never been into group play or sharing stories so ymmv.
 
While both I and Becky's bf, Ben, are both solidly in the northern part of the average range, back in her college days she did have casual sex several times with a fuck buddy who she estimated to be 8 or 9 inches long (and thick). She said that it was actually uncomfortable and even painful at times. I'm sure it just depends on the anatomy of the individual lady.
 
Cat was dating a guy and let it slip that he had 11". My first thought was "OH no, great." Then she told me she wouldn't let him plunge it all the way in. My next thought was, "Well that sucks for him." I used to worry about those things but realized we were a perfect fit for each other. It would suck to have all that and not be able to use it.
 
I'm not sure this is helping the opening poster anymore. Consistent anecdotal stories of larger than average penis sizes on every post is probably not what he was hoping for.

The same way I feel that the female beauty industry has the potential to do a lot of harm to many insecure young women, I feel that comparing male penis sizes is the male equivalent. These last few posts are an example of reporting bias, a form of cognitive bias where larger than average sizes are reported anecdotally while smaller than average sizes are not. I mentioned earlier that this same behaviour, in studies, leads to the published average of 5.5 inches to actually be incorrectly high.

In summary, whilst it is entertaining to hear anecdotal stories of penis sizes that range from 6 inches to 11 inches, such stories tend to bias us as a society to emotionally expect a norm that is unattainable. The same happens in the female (or male) beauty industry. As a forum, we're better than this and I feel we should probably not be gossiping about big dick stories on a thread created by someone with this exact anxiety.

To the opening poster, your penis size is well above average. 5.5 inches is the average size of males after excluding those that think they have a small penis. The actual average size in society is unknown and likely to be significantly smaller. Too big may be a novel experience initially for some women, but can also be painful. Too big can leave a man arrogant and uncreative in bed. I think you got just the right sized tool.

;) Hang in there. ;)
 
Shaya said:
I'm not sure this is helping the opening poster anymore. Consistent anecdotal stories of larger than average penis sizes on every post is probably not what he was hoping for.

The same way I feel that the female beauty industry has the potential to do a lot of harm to many insecure young women, I feel that comparing male penis sizes is the male equivalent. These last few posts are an example of reporting bias, a form of cognitive bias where larger than average sizes are reported anecdotally while smaller than average sizes are not. I mentioned earlier that this same behaviour, in studies, leads to the published average of 5.5 inches to actually be incorrectly high.

In summary, whilst it is entertaining to hear anecdotal stories of penis sizes that range from 6 inches to 11 inches, such stories tend to bias us as a society to emotionally expect a norm that is unattainable. The same happens in the female (or male) beauty industry. As a forum, we're better than this and I feel we should probably not be gossiping about big dick stories on a thread created by someone with this exact anxiety.

To the opening poster, your penis size is well above average. 5.5 inches is the average size of males after excluding those that think they have a small penis. The actual average size in society is unknown and likely to be significantly smaller. Too big may be a novel experience initially for some women, but can also be painful. Too big can leave a man arrogant and uncreative in bed. I think you got just the right sized tool.

;) Hang in there. ;)
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Calm down, Shaya. I think some of us were responding to Angelina's assertion she only knew one woman who preferred larger than average penises. Of course, that is her anecdotal experience.

I have a deeper vag, OK? Being filled up (I also like girth) feels good. But then again, I love being fingered, and one or 2 fingers are thinner and shorter than a 5.5" penis.

I also have a head one inch bigger around than the average woman, and wear a size 11 1/2 shoe, lol. So, I need bigger hats, bigger shoes and bigger penises for the right fit. No big whoop. That's just me.

I also have a nesting partner who has no penis at all (being as she's a girl). We sometimes use a 6" strap-on, and it feels great. But it's not the "ultimate" experience I get from an 8" thick penis.

OTOH, speaking from my lesbian side, I like looking at bigger breasts, but to play with? Any size is FUN.
 
I'm enjoying the range of input here. :)

Okay, speaking for myself, I'm... well, a short bit above the vaunted Average. :rolleyes: The first time I mentioned this to Nancy, her jaw literally dropped, then she broke into a fit of giggles. "'Average'? You have no idea!" She assured me that of the couple-dozen guys she'd had, I was at the high end of the chart.

But she is also of the small-&-cute form factor, & most of my lovers to then had had more experience with big-schvantzed guys -- even at that, I didn't feel... um, belittled. :D

As for the latter, Julie's s/o had a rather sizable whanger (which I did indeed witness at a bdsm party), & she was delighted with the contrast.

Nothing wrong with someone who prefers a particular (length/girth/curve/head).
 
To be honest, size does NOT matter to me. I have never paid attention to it. When I think back on my sexual history, only a handful of times do I remember defining characteristics of a guy's penis. Things I DO remember? The good kissers. The ones who treated my entire body as an erogenous zone, not just the obvious. The ones who didn't start out of the gate by ramming me like a jackhammer.

And I remember the one guy who really PISSED me off by asking me to give him head but he refused to return the favor. Don't remember much about his appearance and I remember nothing about his dick itself, but I viscerally remember how shitty that made me feel. Even if he had been packing 8 inches, I would not have gone back for more.
 
powerpuffgrl1969 said:
And I remember the one guy who really PISSED me off by asking me to give him head but he refused to return the favor. Don't remember much about his appearance and I remember nothing about his dick itself, but I viscerally remember how shitty that made me feel. Even if he had been packing 8 inches, I would not have gone back for more.
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Oh don't get me started on that! It is very VERY common in the male population, I have found. I know some men LOVE to give head, but I am constantly surprised at how many have no interest, while loving BJs. Selfish selfish.
 
powerpuffgrl1969 said:
And I remember the one guy who really PISSED me off by asking me to give him head but he refused to return the favor... I viscerally remember how shitty that made me feel.
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I'm curious about that, though it might be a conversation for another thread.

I like eating pussy, but I don't like eating all pussies. Pussies and the women who have them are all different; some of them prompt me to go down and others don't. Sometimes I'm just not interested, even if I was interested yesterday.

So what is it about someone who doesn't want to eat your pussy that makes you feel shitty? What's going on there?
 
Shaya said:
I'm not sure this is helping the opening poster anymore. Consistent anecdotal stories of larger than average penis sizes on every post is probably not what he was hoping for.
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I don't think a good plan for dealing with an insecurity is to convince oneself that no reason for the insecurity exists. Sure, there are women out there who find penis size to be a motivator, some of them find it to be a primary motivator - I've met a few of these women throughout my life (and now a few on these boards). I have learned that they are the exception to the rule, and to avoid them when I encounter them.

Some people are only sexually interested in people who are tall, skinny, short, smart, dopey, rock starts... yadda yadda. That's just reality. We still need to manage our emotions since fortunately these people are not the norm.
 
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I think this is a lot like the small town star athlete getting the full ride scholarship and then getting train camp / first practice and having to figure out they're not the biggest or fastest, best whatever ....in fact they might be lucky to see playing time unless someone gets sick or injured.

IMO if you want this dynamic to succeed I wouldn't discuss any of this with your wife. I don't see a real upside to those discussions because just as the other have commented some women are going to be more aroused and turned on by bigger equipment and to assume all guys with big dicks are lazy and stupid is naive. Sure the odds are against it but what if you got a size queen and a guy with a big bat who really knows how to use it and any and all comments and discussion make your wife feel uncomfortable/ guilty for enjoying what she's enjoying so much so she starts shading and spinning the answers to your questions and comments.


My advice is to recalibrate expectations. Don't let things / imagination get to far out ahead of reality. Acknowledge NRE is also at work here big dick or not. Time is going to tell. IMO actions speak louder than words and within a couple weeks or a couple months you should have a pretty good idea where your spot is on the sex roster. If ithings feel genuine or she's just horny from sexting the BF or she doing it because it was " your" date night.

From reading the various threads on the forum trying to up your game generally backfires. It comes off inauthentic, desperate / pathetic or competitive so that's NOT recommended. Best to be natural / act natural go about your " normal routine " and just see what happens.


I guess the bottomline in all this is there's now sense in worry or upsetting yourself with all these factors out of your control. The only thing you can control is how you react to all this. And bad reactions spiral into bad cycles.

Good luck
 
QUOTE[So what is it about someone who doesn't want to eat your pussy that makes you feel shitty? What's going on there?]

You're right, Marcus; that would be a topic for another thread, one that I wouldn't choose to participate in. I have no interest in justifying my feelings.

I was only trying to illustrate to the OP that there are many things that can be, and often are, more important to women than penis size. That's all.
 
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powerpuffgrl1969 said:
I have no interest in justifying my feelings.
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Fair enough. I generally assume that when someone volunteers it, that they are open to discussing it. Thank you for the clarification.
 
Marcus, for what it's worth, I have a thought on that subject...

I have not usually enjoyed receiving oral attention, most of my partners did not do it in a way that pleases me. Maybe other women of different anatomical sensitivities enjoy what they do. I did not. So for most of my life (until, yes, Zen) I actually preferred to GIVE but not RECEIVE that.

However, the worst lover I've ever had, the best word to describe why, was "selfish." And this pings right back to what makes many women mad about not getting that kind of attention... Basically the notion that they are expected to perform for his pleasure, but hers is inconsequential and not worth any effort.

My "selfish, awful lover" experience...when he finished but I had not, well I am not particularly shy about taking care of that myself. And I was prepared to do so. But in that circumstance, I would prefer my lover stay with me at least, maybe "assist" or at least be present and sort of involved...? This one literally just jumped out of bed, put on his pants, and left the room.

Interestingly, he thought he was a great lover and bragged about his many partners. I really should have asked how many of those wanted a second taste of what he had to offer. He was cute, but terrible in bed.

Like Dan Savage says...being good in bed, is often being "good, giving, game." With a significant partner count/sample size to consider, the vast majority will be some shade of average, as lovers, a few will be exceptional, and a few will be terrible. I've never had one be exceptional purely on the basis of size, nor terrible purely on the basis of size, and I have indeed had much bigger and smaller than average partners. A man might be memorable for being an outlier on the size scale, but that alone is not going to make him best or worst.

And even those who prefer larger sizes given the chance, I am willing to make a bet right now that if a man who is sizable brings no particular skill, just your basic mechanical intercourse, to the bedroom...he won't be ranked among the best, especially if he is unconcerned with his partner's pleasure. It might be good, but it's rarely enough. (Frankly if it were, why not just use a store bought toy? All the size, none of the risk!)
 
Marcus said:
I'm curious about that, though it might be a conversation for another thread.

I like eating pussy, but I don't like eating all pussies. Pussies and the women who have them are all different; some of them prompt me to go down and others don't. Sometimes I'm just not interested, even if I was interested yesterday.

So what is it about someone who doesn't want to eat your pussy that makes you feel shitty? What's going on there?
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PPG declined to engage but I am game - new thread here: Spin-Off-Thread: Oral Sex
 
My experience might be different... I have dated a guy with no dick. As in ftm transexual. He fucked me with hands and toys, very well too. I have also dated women. And I have dated ordinary guys.

My experience is; it is surprisingly similar. I guess because I am the same, and I make them aim for the same.

I just find the whole dilemma kind of strange. You just make use of what you have got. And you love the person, so...

There are days where I think a few inches extra could come in handy. But then I think with a very huge guy, I would probably not enjoy anal as much, or may even have to forgo it. You win some, you loose some.

Whatever you do, you can just add or substract toys, hands and tounge. A penis is just one number in the equation.
 
Hey gravitywell, how are you doing?
 
I'm in a silly mood. Here goes nothing:

2010-10-25-4.-Large-Tree-48af10ba.jpg


Source.
 
Reitterating Marcus @ Don Savage... "Like Dan Savage says...being good in bed, is often being "good, giving, game." Of course I could be go all day long back and forth on fantasy/actuality... It's psyche! And Porn-fed mischief... I like as much as next pleasuring.. but it's all psyche, and how we add to it/build it/
 
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Women are saying they don't have specifically much faith in this notion... But some are... and some take cues from who knows... but... I get lost here too... It's only right to help provide sometimes, but cuckhold mindsets aren't for everybody!
 
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