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Several trains of thought on this: 1. PolyPhonic's way of life =/= your average Jane Poly's way of life. I have had to get my head around this, since mine is... well, I'm probably not going to make it to any islands anytime soon. 2. What we prioritize =/= what the women in PolyPhonic's dating...

Sometimes it just can't work out. I feel bad when I have to explain to a nice person, for a second time (!), that we have fundamental incompatibilities. It's a letdown for both of us, though I'm strong enough not to try and get around the stuff that will never work. I accept what is. Others...

I've been unemployed in America since mid-2010. Unemployment insurance pays just enough to keep us from adequate health care and barely enough to get by. I feel for you and at the same time am massively jealous of the Australians!

This poor woman. Hard enough planning a wedding; her mom's just had surgery, too? Youch. I'm not in a mono-poly situation, unfortunately, and I've got all the time in the world for a Skype call. My family of origin is like that: we can't seem to cope with each other, but we're screwed if we...

Uh, well, this would tend to be the right place for getting your head 'round things. :) Welcome! How do you all manage being unemployed at once? One of the biggest obstacles to poly happiness can be a scarcity of certain resources. Time is one. Money is another.

Possibly the part where, in the very post I'm quoting, you state you're looking at impressionable girls for your arrangement? You can't be much younger than forty, and you're a man -- how old does a woman have to be to become a woman? And by that time, is she already too old for you? I get the...

You know, this is causing me to think hard about the kind of agreement I would make with a poly-friendly mono man -- to wit, there would have to be an agreement not to blindside me with "Hey, she's shinier; I'm leaving you!" Because I know mono is mono and might prefer a mono partner, but a...

Mind you, I'm also firmly in the "if monogamy actually works for you, great" camp. Poly wasn't any sort of evolution for me; that would imply I had something from which to evolve, when really I was poly all along. Life would have been infinitely easier had I just been wired mono. This sort of...

I understand it as well as I understand any other not-me abstract. I did try to be monogamous. I just seemed to screw up all the rules except "don't cheat". There were these standards I struggled to grasp. I was an indecisive little thing; who did I really want? Well, why did I have to answer...

Bolding mine. I don't know if you realise what you're doing, but you use "girls" to describe the people you want to be intimate with throughout this thread. While you make it clear that you would like to take care of them, in the process you've also implied that they're not supposed to be...

You can tell him it's problematic if you find it problematic, you know. I would. Loudly. That's known as a one-penis policy (you might find other topics on this as you look around the site). The problem, to me as a poly person who is also queer, is this: treating sex with a woman like it's less...

I find it interesting that in this description of what you would like from a woman partner, you list first the ways she could be of use to you. Could a paid housekeeper alleviate some of the pressure you feel domestically, permitting you to date for dating's sake? If she's got to want to be the...

Sorry for plunging into the middle -- this is what stood out most prominently, as I've heard/seen/been on both sides of it before. Part of communication is having mutual definitions to work from. CdM and I used to argue about disability until we decided what it meant in our lives; now he...

My kind of woman! [licks spoon suggestively]

cut on the bias. Nobody is completely without prejudice. This is mine. I fucking hate how entwined the poly and kink communities have got. No, dammit, I'm only tiny on the outside; I have done the brain work and discovered I am fundamentally unsuited to being anything on the sub end of things...

it must be . . . This is what it must be like to get high. I never have before. Just a little drunk. I've never taken any substance that made me feel like opening my heart to the universe, nor any that made my blood fizz with energy. It's all people-energy. It all comes from feeling like my...

Panda, you and I have brain things in common. :) You ARE a brave Panda, and a kind one, and one with good instincts. Let them guide you forward. Also listen to the others, because they're smart about this stuff. Still wishing you luck.

Our M I am thinking of my metamour tonight. M has gone to hospital. She will be all right, but she's stuck there for the weekend, it seems, and this was supposed to be their time to relax together. Both of them had unexpected time free from work obligations -- that's so rare for them. CdM has...

First of all, you're a good guy. I have to tell you that because entirely too many guys your age get bitter and sad over things like this and turn into rotten bastards. What you are, right now, is a good guy with standards and you're not willing to compromise them. That is fine. Don't compromise...

There are no women involved in computers or martial arts? This is me tilting my head sideways. Considered taking lessons at a different martial arts center? Even just lessons in a different discipline, so you're not slighting your current teacher? Or volunteering at your own, maybe to teach...